


The Worst Years of My Life

by Grinder1833



Series: Missing Moments [1]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2011-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-20 00:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinder1833/pseuds/Grinder1833
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eighteen year old Noah Mayer longs to escape Ft. Leonard Wood so he can pursue his dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Character: Noah Mayer  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Up through June 1, 2007  
Summary: Eighteen year old Noah Mayer longs to escape Ft. Leonard Wood so he can pursue his dreams.  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They are the property of "As the World Turns" and P&G.

A/N: I'd like to thank [](http://rebop13.livejournal.com/profile)[**rebop13**](http://rebop13.livejournal.com/) (Spookything on Vanhasis.net) for her suggests regarding this fic.

__

April 2007

  


  
Eighteen year old Noah Mayer stared at the letter in his hand…his ticket to freedom. Northwestern University had accepted him into their School of Communication where he would be majoring in Radio/Television/Film. Ever since Noah was a small boy he’d loved movies…they were his salvation. Alone in the darkness Noah could be someone else, live someone else’s life…a perfect escape. After seeing _Casablanca_ on Turner Classic Movies Noah had been hooked. He spent countless hours watching movies, his favorites countless times, learning everything he could about them…about the actors and directors. It was love. And from that moment on Noah knew that he wanted to direct his own films one day.

Noah had received his acceptance letter from Northwestern a couple of months ago but had yet to convince his father to let him go there. Colonel Winston Mayer felt that enlisting in the Army was Noah’s best option that it would “make a man out of him.” His father was always telling him that he needed to be a man.

But what Noah really needed was to escape…escape from Missouri, escape from his father’s reign, escape to a new life. Noah’s father dictated Noah’s life as if he were one of his soldiers, not his only child. Rules, regulation, and routine…the three Rs were his father’s mantra. There were plenty of rules for Noah to follow. And Noah did…at least the best he could because when he didn’t…well…Noah hated to remember those times.

Noah loved his father…really he did…even during the most difficult times. Between the stress of losing his wife and serving in the Army, Noah knew his father had a lot to deal with. And his father was also raised by a military man so he had a hard time showing his emotions. Well…that wasn’t entirely true…he was damn good at showing anger, displeasure, disappointment. A wave of guilt washed through Noah for thinking those things. Life wasn’t always bad. They had their fishing trips, which seemed like the only time his father ever relaxed and seemed to enjoy himself and Noah’s company.

Growing up had been difficult for Noah though. Noah was taught at a very young age that real men never cried…not even if your mother dies when you’re only three years old. He was always to address his elders as “sir” or “ma’am” regardless if he was told otherwise. Noah had found this out the hard way while he was living at Ft. Hood in Texas…

  
 _“Noah, please…there’s no need to be so formal with me,” Major Ken Redmond told the seven year old boy. “Please call me Uncle Ken. I see you so much that we’re practically family.”_

_“I…don’t…know, sir,” Noah stammered. “I was always taught to respect my elders.”_

_The Major chuckled, ruffling Noah’s dark hair. “I’m too young to be an elder. Please…I insisted…Uncle Ken.”_

_Noah tried desperately to dismiss the gnawing feeling in his stomach. His father had been quite adamant as to how he addressed adults, especially those who were in the military. But then again, he’d been brought up to respect and obey his elders so by not calling Major Redmond “Uncle Ken” he’d be disrespecting one of his father’s friends and colleagues._

_He couldn’t do that, could he?_

_Poor Noah didn’t know what to do. Why did they have to come to this party on Christmas Eve in the first place? Why couldn’t they have stayed home and watched “Miracle on 34th Street” or “It’s a Wonderful Life”?_

_“Okay, sir.”_

_“Uncle Ken,” Major Redmond gently corrected._

_Noah just nodded his head and slinked away, hoping to disappear into the woodwork. He found life was much easier if he faded into the background and said nothing._

_However, Noah wasn’t allowed to blend for long. The Major had requested everyone gather around their Christmas tree so he could pass out gifts. Noah had been flabbergasted when the Major handed him a small, rectangular box. At first he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to open it or wait until Christmas Day. Noah wasn’t used to receiving many gifts. His father only gave him a gift or two for Christmas and a small present on his birthday…if he was deemed worthy._

_“Go ahead, open it,” the Major urged._

_Tentatively Noah tore the paper, revealing a “Wizard of Oz” VHS tape. Noah’s heart caught in his throat. He never had his very own movie. “Wow…thank you, Uncle Ken,” Noah breathed._

_Immediately he felt his father’s hand lock onto his shoulder like a vice grip. “Noah, I thought I taught you better manners than that,” Winston said sternly._

_“Winston, it’s okay. Noah and I are pals,” Major Redmond replied. “I know how much you enjoy movies so I thought I’d help you start your very own movie collection.”_

_But Noah had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t going to be okay once they got home. His father didn’t say a word to him on their short walk back to their house. Instead he just guided Noah by the scruff of his neck along the sidewalk. Noah didn’t dare cry out as his father’s fingers sunk into his tender flesh. He just held on tightly to his VHS tape and willed the tears not to form in his eyes._

_His father pushed him through the door that led into the garage, shoving him up against his father’s silver Ford pickup truck. “How dare you embarrass me in front of one of my superiors?” he demanded._

_“I’m…I’m…sorry, sir,” Noah stammered._

_“You have been told time and again to address your elders as ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’!” Winston shouted. “Is that so hard to remember?”_

_“I…I…he…told me to call him that, sir.”_

_Noah’s words were met with a slap to his face. “Don’t you dare give me lip, boy!”_

_“Sorry,” Noah apologized even though in his heart he knew that he hadn’t done anything wrong._

_“I don’t think you are! I think you need some time to reflect on your despicable behavior,” Winston ranted. He snatched the “Wizard of Oz” tape out of Noah’s hand. “I will not have my son in possession of this crap. It embarrasses me that one of my colleagues would think that my son would enjoy such a pansy movie. I **will** make a man of you if it’s the last thing I do.”_

_“I’m sorry,” Noah pleaded, hoping that if he kept saying it over and over his father would finally believe him._

_Winston shot daggers at him. “I think you’re sorry you got caught. But once you repent you’ll really be sorry. You’ll spend tonight out here. Maybe in the morning you’ll see more clearly.”_

_“But, sir, it’s cold. And I’m not wearing a coat,” Noah protested. Even though they lived in Texas it was still quite cool at night in December._

_“You’ll need to try to be a man and tough it out then,” Winston replied, turning on his heel and marching toward the door that led into the house. “Once I turn out these lights they better stay out, understand?”_

_“Yes, sir,” Noah squeaked._

_“Maybe some day you’ll stop disappointing me,” Winston said, before shutting off the garage lights and locking the door behind him._

_Noah sunk to the floor wrapping his arms around his legs, trying to stay warm and stave off the terrible night noises. He knew he wouldn’t hear the sound of Santa and his reindeer coming to his house to deliver lots of presents. Long ago his father told him that only the weak minded believed in Santa Clause. But Noah still wanted to believe that there was a Santa who would come and rescue him, take him far away to one of the many great places he’d seen in the movies._

_Even the thought of movies couldn’t make Noah feel better for he knew that his “Wizard of Oz” video tape most likely met an unkind fate. He felt just like Dorothy locked up in the Wicked Witch of the West’s castle…abandoned, hoping for help. But Noah knew that he didn’t have any friends to come rescue him. He was truly alone._

  
Noah shuddered at the memory. The next day when his father had fetched him from the garage Noah discovered that their Christmas tree was gone as were the presents that had been underneath it. Noah never got a single gift that year and the one he did get had been cut apart and dumped on his bed as a reminder of his insubordination. A couple of months later, his father was promoted from Captain to Major and they were transferred.

One might think it was glamorous to move from base to base, seeing the world so to speak. But there was nothing glamorous about moving from base to base, never staying in one place long enough to make any real friends.

Ft. Hood in Texas held his first childhood memories…flashes of a sad woman with long blonde hair whom Noah assumed must have been his mother. Noah didn’t have any real concrete memories of her since she had died when he was so young. Noah didn’t even have a single picture of her. His father said that there was no need to hang onto the past. Noah had to learn to deal with death like a man and move on. But over the years Noah tried as hard as he could to hold onto those flickers of the pretty, young blonde, hoping that it was really his mother and not some fantasy he had conjured up.

From Texas the Mayers moved to Ft. Shafter in Hawaii. Noah had been eight years old when they arrived in Honolulu. He’d been in awe of their beautiful surroundings, loving to be able to flee to the beach when he could. It was in Hawaii where Noah discovered X Men comics but when the Colonel found his comic book he burned it right in front of him, informing Noah he wasn’t to waste his time reading fantasy garbage. He quickly learned that even though his surroundings had changed, his life still had remained very much the same.

Noah was eleven when they arrived at Ft Bragg in North Carolina. By then Noah had spent his life trying so very hard to please his father to no avail. Keeping his room clean, his bed made up to the military standards, getting As and Bs on his report card, doing the dishes by hand every night regardless of whether or not they had a dishwasher…none of this seemed to be enough for his father. Winston wanted a strong son, but Noah was rail thin and still on the small side. The beatings with his father’s belt started here…whether it was because Noah forgot to take the garbage out or didn’t make the junior high football team.

Finally they ended up at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri when Noah was fourteen. His father had made the rank of Colonel, which Noah had hoped would lead to a better life for him. Noah had prayed that this would be the last move he’d have to make with his father. More than anything he had wanted to be able to attend high school in one place so he might have a chance to actually make some friends.

Noah got part of that wish when they first moved in and he met his next door neighbor, Kyle Babcock, who was three years older than him. Kyle was quite handsome…tall, athletic with light brown hair and deep emerald green eyes. He was basically everything that Noah wasn’t…captain of the football team, a straight A student, president of the class, outgoing, funny, good looking, and charismatic. Noah couldn’t believe that an incredible guy like Kyle would want to be friends with a scrawny, ugly duckling like him.

But he had been. And Noah wanted to be just like Kyle, who had planned on attending Northwestern the following fall. Kyle had given him focus…a purpose. Noah was determined to get to Northwestern once he graduated. It didn’t matter that Kyle had planned on studying in London the upcoming semester. Noah still wanted to go to school at Northwestern. And maybe when Kyle returned to the university they’d be able to renew their friendship…

  
 _“So you’re really going to be leaving?” Noah asked, struggling to keep the anxiety out of his voice. He didn’t want to think of what his life would be like without Kyle in it. Kyle was his friend, protector…everything to Noah._

_“Not until the end of August,” Kyle assured him. “But even when I do go away, we’ll still be friends.”_

_Noah’s eyes lit up. “Really?”_

_“Of course! And you can come visit me anytime.”_

_“That would be great,” Noah said, but even as the words left his mouth he knew that his father would never allow it. For some reason, his father didn’t like Kyle, which was strange because everyone else did. Kyle was perfect._

_“Maybe you could even go to school there after you graduate,” Kyle suggested. “They have a pretty good film program.”_

_Northwestern with Kyle…and studying film? Wow. Noah couldn’t think of anything better in life._

_“I’d love to go to Northwestern with you!” Noah gushed. Damn…why did he have to be such a geek? Real men don’t carry on like this._

_Kyle draped his arm around Noah’s shoulders. “Then it’s a plan.”_

_Noah could feel the color rise in his cheeks. He prayed that Kyle didn’t notice, because he would be mortified. Noah didn’t want to lose Kyle as a friend. He’d had so few in his life. And how would he explain to Kyle that he wasn’t used to people touching him? That hugs and kisses had been so rare in his life. His father certainly never showed him any affection…only a backhand or belt._

_But Noah really loved it when Kyle touched him. Often his friend would put a casual arm around him, give him a playful punch or pat on the back, and every so often he’d bestow him with a quick, friendly hug. And Noah just wanted to cling to him when he did, loving how amazing Kyle’s strong arms felt wrapped around him._

_Noah kept telling himself that there wasn’t anything wrong with liking this. They were friends and it was okay to enjoy being touched by his friend._

_Right?_

  
Taking a deep breath and clutching the letter in his hand, Noah marched into the kitchen determined to reason with his father. However, he stopped short when he discovered his father sitting at the kitchen table with Major Gerard McLane, who lived a couple of doors down from them.

“I’m sorry,” Noah stammered. “I didn’t realize you had company, sir.” Noah turned to leave the room but his father’s voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

“What’s that in your hand, Noah?”

Noah swallowed before he replied, “It’s my acceptance letter to Northwestern.”

“Northwestern?” Major McLane spoke up. “Isn’t that where Lieutenant Colonel Babcock’s son goes? What a prestigious school! Congratulations, Noah.”

“Thank you, sir,” Noah said as his father’s icy eyes bore down on him.

“You must be proud of him, Winston.”

“Noah’s a hard worker,” Winston said evenly.

Noah’s heart sank. For a split second he thought maybe…just maybe his father would actually say he _was_ proud of him.

“When do you leave for school?” Major McLane asked.

“I…ah…actually haven’t accepted yet.”

“What are you waiting for? You don’t want to wait too long or else all of their openings will be filled.”

Noah stood there silently. He couldn’t admit that his father had yet to agree to send him to Northwestern. Major McLane couldn’t know how when the Colonel found out that Noah had applied to Northwestern he backhanded him so hard that Noah had blacked out when he hit the floor. Noah hadn’t expected the violent reaction. His father hadn’t hit him since he was a sophomore in high school which was when Noah had shot up to over six feet tall, although he was still skinny and lacking the muscle tone of a real man.

A flash of anger flickered across his father’s face. It was over in an instant so he was sure that Major McLane didn’t notice. “Gerard’s right. You better get your acceptance letter in the mail quickly.”

Noah studied his father for a moment, unable to tell if this was all for show or if he was really serious. “Are you sure, sir?” Noah clarified.

“Yes, Noah, if you have your heart set on Northwestern then that’s where you should go,” Winston replied.

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,” Noah said, fighting to keep the excitement out of his voice. He turned to Major McLane. “It was very nice seeing you, sir.”

“You too, Noah. I’d wish you luck at Northwestern, but I doubt you’ll need it. You’re such a fine young man,” the Major told him.

“Thank you, sir.”

Noah dashed off to his room and quickly filled out the paperwork for Northwestern. Once everything was sealed into the envelope he sprinted to the post office so his acceptance letter would go out in today’s mail. Noah was beyond excited. He was really going to be going to Northwestern. He never thought his father would change his mind, but he had Major McLane to thank for it.

Actually, he had Major McLane to thank for a lot of things. The bald, burly Major, who looked a lot like Mr. Clean (minus the earring), was Noah’s guardian angel always looking out for him.

When Noah was a sophomore he’d taken a drama class which had infuriated Winston. Real men didn’t act or work in the theater. The Colonel had insisted that Noah drop the class and take something else but it was too late in the semester to change by the time Winston had made his discovery. Major McLean happened to be over for dinner when his father was complaining about it. Much to Noah’s surprise the Major said positive things about Noah’s drama class like how it took courage to go up on stage. Thankfully after that conversation his father kept his displeasure about the drama class to himself and Noah flourished in the class.

And shortly after Noah’s seventeenth birthday the Major’s son, Stan, was killed in Afghanistan. The Major insisted that Noah have Stan’s black, Dodge Ram pickup truck. Noah’s father had originally been against it, saying Noah couldn’t accept such an elaborate gift but the Major McLane had insisted. Noah took excellent care of the truck, making sure it was always washed and vacuumed. He never wanted to give his father a reason to take it away from him.

Having the truck had helped enormously in putting his plans for his future in motion. He got a job at Jack’s Diner flipping burgers, saving every penny so he could buy a digital camcorder. In the summer he worked backstage at Summer Theatre in the Park in Branson, which lead to him getting an internship at the Moon River Theatre in Branson. He learned a lot working at the theater. They were so impressed with him they hired him on as one of the Assistant Stage Managers.

And he owed it all to Major McLean, who was the closest thing he had to a friend besides Kyle. But now Kyle was so far away. Noah really missed Kyle…

Noah quickly pushed the thought from his mind. He needed to focus on the second phase of his plan, getting an internship at a TV station for the summer. He’d sent out his resume which consisted of being a cook at Jack’s Diner, ushering at Cinema VIII, acting, directing, set design for high school plays/productions, assisting with the sound and sets for a couple of the Theatre in the Park plays, and finally his weekend work at the Moon River Theatre. Noah knew if all else failed he still had a job there but he really wanted to get out of Missouri and closer to Northwestern as soon as possible.

So far he had struck out in Chicago so he expanded his search to surrounding cities. He sent out a second round of resumes to WCIA and WILL in Champaign, WMBD in Peoria, and WOAK in Oakdale.

Something had to come through for him.

  
 ****

********  
 _Two Weeks Later_  


Noah was driving to Branson on his way to work at the Moon River Theatre when his cell phone rang. He glanced down at the number on the display and didn’t recognize it. The area code wasn’t even familiar to him either.

“Hello?” he answered his phone.

“Is this Noah Mayer?” a kind, soft spoken female voice asked.

“Yes, this is,” he replied, his mind racing to try to put a face with the voice.

“Hi, I’m Kim Hughes from WOAK TV in Oakdale, Illinois,” she explained. “I took a look at the resume you submitted for the intern position and I must say I’m pretty impressed.”

Noah’s heart rate quickened. She was impressed. _Maybe…just maybe…_

But he couldn’t get ahead of himself. He couldn’t blow his big chance by sounding like a blabbering idiot. “Thank you, ma’am,” he forced himself to calmly reply.

“Do you have time to do a quick interview?” she asked. “Normally I would bring you in for this but since you live in Missouri I figured we could do a phone interview and take it from there.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Great! First, why do you want to be an intern at WOAK?”

“I think it would be a great opportunity to learn the inner workings for a TV station,” he told her. “I think the experience will be quite valuable when I attend Northwestern University in the fall.”

“Northwestern? That’s very impressive,” Kim marveled. “What are you going to study there?”

“I plan on studying at their School of Communication in the Radio/Television/Film department.”

“What would your dream job be?”

“A film director.”

“From the looks of it you have some experience directing. Now, the internship spot we have available isn’t too glamorous,” she explained. “There is going to be a lot of collating, filing, errands.”

“That’s perfectly fine with me, ma’am,” Noah assured her. “I’d be willing to sweep the floors there.”

She laughed softly. “Well, Noah, I can assure you that the position doesn’t entail any janitorial duties. But depending how the summer goes, there may be an opportunity to work on some special projects.”

“That would be great!”

She went on to ask him some more questions about his theater experience in high school and at the Moon River Theatre in Branson. She also found out his favorite and least favorite aspects of each. Noah filled her in on what he felt were some of the highlights of each position.

“We’re looking for someone to start on June 1st,” Kim told him. “Would you be able to start then?”

Noah’s high school graduation ceremony was on May 30th but he was willing to do anything to make sure that he would be in Oakdale, Illinois in time to start the internship.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Then June first it is then,” she decided. “I’ll expect to see you at nine o’clock.”

“I’ll be there,” he assured her.

“I’m looking forward to having you on board. I have a good feeling about you, Noah Mayer.”

“Thank you so much for this opportunity, ma’am,” Noah said excitedly. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”

“I’ll send you an e-mail with directions to the stations along with any other pertinent information you may need,” Kim said. “I’ll see you on June 1st.”

“I’ll be there. Thanks again, ma’am.”

Noah was beyond thrilled when he hung up his cell phone. In a little over a month he’d be free of Missouri, Ft. Leonard Wood, and his father.

Shit…his father, who wasn’t going to be pleased that Noah had accepted an unpaid internship. The Colonel believed that a man should be paid for a hard day’s work. He hadn’t been pleased when Noah had taken the internship at the Moon River Theatre last summer but changed his stance somewhat when they hired him on for weekends after his internship had ended.

No…Noah couldn’t go through that again. He’d learned over the years that fighting with his father never ended pretty. In fact, all of their arguments ended with Noah being hurt one way or another…whether it was physical or mental. Noah had all of the scars to prove it too.

Noah would have to keep it a secret up until it was time to leave for Oakdale. It was the only way. And Noah needed to somehow get to Oakdale so he could find a place to live over the summer. He had to find a way to get there before his internship started or else he’d end up living in his truck.

How in the hell was he going to pull this off?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah must find a place to live in Oakdale before he starts his internship at WOAK.

**  
__**

May 2007

  


 

Noah picked at his lunch too stressed out to have an appetite. Ever since accepting the internship at WOAK he’d been consumed with trying to figure out how he was going to get to Illinois to find a place to live in Oakdale for the summer. He didn’t plan on telling his father about the internship until the last possible moment. Fear that his father would somehow prevent him from leaving kept him silent.

Of course there was always a hotel, but Noah was going to be on a very tight budget so he really didn’t want to incur the extra expense unless it was absolutely necessary. He’d scrimped and saved ever since he turned sixteen and he wanted to make sure that he didn’t waste a penny of his hard earned money. He had checked into hotels just in case and found his options were limited. The one hotel he did find was pretty expensive. The other motel he discovered on the Internet looked a bit seedy and it was already booked. But if he couldn’t come up with a plan soon he just might be forced to blow a significant portion of his savings on a room.

No… there _had_ to be another way.

“Penny for your thoughts,” a sweet female voice declared.

Noah glanced up from his peanut butter and jelly sandwich to find Lydia Bradford sliding onto the bench across from him. A smile crept to his lips. Lydia was one of the few people who could do that to him. She was one of his few friends at Waynesville High School. And she was also the daughter of General Vernon Bradford, who was a highly respected officer at the base. His father was always trying his damnedest to impress the General whose name was held in the highest regard in the Mayer household.

When General Bradford transferred to Fort Leonard Wood last summer, Noah’s father thought it would be a great if Noah took the General’s daughter out on a date. Noah hadn’t dated too much throughout high school. While most guys his age were focused on girls, Noah felt his energy could be used more productively elsewhere. He had gone on some first dates, mostly to help round out a group. But they never led to a second. Noah didn’t really care, but his father certainly seemed to mind. He was constantly asking about dates or girlfriends and would get frustrated when Noah told him that there wasn’t anyone serious.

So whether Noah had liked it or not, he had a date with Lydia Bradford and he’d better not screw it up. Lydia was beautiful, sweet, witty, smart…everything a guy looked for in a potential girlfriend. But Noah hadn’t felt any sparks during their date. He’d been nervous only because he hadn’t wanted to piss his father off. They’d gone to dinner and then to see _Superman Returns_ , which Noah ended up talking and dissecting to death. Lydia was good sport about it, though. And she was the one, much to Noah’s relief, who decided that they were better off as friends. Noah’s father had been less than thrilled when he heard the news.

Noah glanced up at the raven hair beauty, forcing a smile. “I don’t think they’re worth that much.”

“There you go again…selling yourself short,” she laughed as she reached across the table and grasped his hand. “Come on…talk to me. It looks like you could use a friend.”

“I got a summer internship at WOAK TV in Oakdale, Illinois.”

“That’s great! I know how important working at a TV station is to you. You should be thrilled.”

“I am,” he admitted.

“I feel there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

Noah folded his arms across this chest, shaking his head. “I can’t get anything by you, can I?”

“Well…” Lydia gently pressed.

Chances were she wouldn’t leave him alone until he spilled the beans. Noah really hated speaking ill of his father. Partly because he was afraid that it would somehow get back to him, but mostly because Winston has done his best to try to raise him on his own. Sometimes he swore he harbored enough guilt that would make a Catholic priest proud.

Noah sighed, “Okay…but this _has_ to stay between the two of us…”

“Promise.”

“The idea of an unpaid internship won’t thrill my father,” he carefully explained, trying his best to sound as diplomatic as possible. “I’m afraid that he might try to stop me from going. I thought I’d just spring it on him at the last minute that way he’d have to let me go but I’m also going to need a place to live once I get there which is going to be a problem since my first day is the day after we graduate.”

Lydia rested her chin on her hand as she seemed to ponder what Noah had told her. She was silent a few moments before she finally spoke. “You could always stay in a hotel until you find a place. It probably wouldn’t take too long. I’ve never even heard of Oakdale so it can’t be that big of a town.”

“I had that same thought but the only two hotels I could find were the Lakeview which is quite expensive and some rat trap called the Wagon Wheel which is booked up when I’m supposed to arrive in Oakdale.”

“Hmmmm…that could be a problem,” she conceded.

“Now you know why I’m stressed,” Noah replied, trying to suppress his irritability.

“Let me think,” she said, chewing on her fingernail.

“That’s all I’ve been doing,” Noah muttered. “I just need to find a way to sneak out of town…overnight…which is going to be next to impossible.”

“Hey!” Lydia exclaimed, her emerald eyes lighting up. For a brief moment they reminded him of Kyle’s. Butterflies filled his stomach, which he quickly willed away and focused on what she was saying. “Prom! Our prom is at the Grand Plaza Hotel in Branson and it’s tradition that everyone stay over and go to Splash Country the next day. Instead of going to Splash Country you could head to Oakdale. Your father wouldn’t say no to you!”

“But I’m not going to prom,” Noah informed her. The mere thought of dressing up and dancing in public was enough to give him hives. He wanted no part of it.

“You’re not going to prom?” Lydia was positively thunderstruck. “Off the top of my head I can think of a few girls who’d love to go with you!”

“No…I’m a disaster on the dance floor.” And that was putting it mildly. Noah not only had two left feet, but he lacked rhythm as well.

“I’m sure you’re _not_ that bad.”

“Please…I’d only be so lucky as to have a Ren McCormack in my life to teach me some fancy moves,” he chuckled.

“Is that another movie reference?”

“ _Footloose_ …Kevin Bacon’s character, Ren, taught his friend, Willard, how to dance so he’d be ready for their prom. Willard was quite a disaster…just like me.”

“Someday you’re going to find a girl who gets all of your movie references,” Lydia said, slowly shaking her head.

“Not likely,” Noah muttered.

“You will,” she insisted.

“That’s really the least of my worries right now,” Noah sighed, rubbing his temples, hoping to vanquish the pounding in his head.

“Okay…I have an idea,” Lydia said, speaking slowly as if she were formulating her plan as she was talking. “Tell your father that we’re going to the prom together…”

“I can’t ---” he began to protest but was promptly silenced.

“Just hear me out…please,” she persisted, then waited for his reluctant nod before she continued. “I’m already going to prom with Jason Jasinski but your father doesn’t have to know that. All you need to do is get dressed up and tell him that you’re picking me up and we’re leaving from my house. We can even take a few pictures that you can show him later on so he won’t doubt your story. And you won’t have to worry about him talking to my father since my dad is in Iraq right now. Then instead of going to prom you can head to Oakdale spend the night there and find a place to live the next day.”

Lydia’s plan sounded good in theory but could he really pull it off? And if he didn’t…

A chill crept down his spine as he envisioned the ire of Colonel Winston Mayer. “I don’t know…” Noah was hesitant as disaster scenario after disaster scenario rushed through his mind.

“Noah, it’s really the perfect plan,” Lydia insisted. “And I’ll totally back you up on it. I promise to do whatever you need me to do.”

Noah was dumbfounded. He couldn’t figure out why she was so willing to go out on a limb for him. This was a definite first for him. “Are…you…sure?” he carefully asked.

“Completely!” she assured him. “Look…I know how important the internship and going to Northwestern is to you. I want to make sure that you get to live out your dreams.”

“You are truly amazing Lydia Bradford.”

She smiled wickedly. “I know.”

 

****

********

The plan was all set so now all Noah needed to do was tell his father about his “prom date.” Noah’s heart was racing. He had to get this right. His father needed to believe that he was really going to the prom.

“I…uh…have some good news,” Noah said, glancing up from his Stouffer’s chicken pot pie.

Winston raised his eyebrows, skeptically staring at him from across the kitchen table. “Really? What would that be?”

“I’m going to prom with Lydia,” Noah said, managing to keep the fear out of his voice.

“Lydia Bradford?”

“Yes…Lydia Bradford.”

A smile quickly spread to his father’s lips. “That’s great news, Noah! I was beginning to think that you weren’t going to go to your prom.”

“It’s in Branson…at the Grand Plaza Hotel…so I hope it’s okay, sir.”

“Of course it is!” his father happily exclaimed.

Sadly Noah couldn’t remember the last time his father was this pleased…and it was because of a lie. _Guilt…guilt…guilt…_ Noah quickly brushed it aside. This was the only way…he had to do this…he _had_ to lie.

“Usually everyone gets a room at the hotel and stays overnight so they can go to Splash Country the next day…it’s a senior tradition,” Noah explained, hoping that his father would agree to the most critical part of the plan. It was imperative that he be allowed to stay over night.

“I’d be happy to pay for your room at the hotel, Noah,” his father informed him. “I think it’s great for you to spend time with your classmates before you graduate.”

“Thank you, sir,” Noah replied. “I really appreciate it.”

“Prom is a very important milestone for a young man, Noah,” his father said wistfully. “I’m so glad you’re going.”

Noah swallowed. “Me too.”

After their meal Noah washed the dinner dishes, he retired to his room to work on his Trigonometry homework. He was about halfway through it when there was a soft rap on his bedroom door.

“Come in,” Noah said, putting his pencil down on his notebook and sitting up straight in his chair.

His father strolled into the room, hands hidden behind his back. “How is the homework coming along?” he asked.

“Pretty good, sir,” he replied, happy that he could finally truthfully answer a question this evening.

“Do you have a few minutes?”

“Yes…of course.” Noah’s mind raced…what could his father possibly want? Was he going to change his mind?

His father sat down on Noah’s bed, revealing what he’d been concealing behind his back….a box of condoms. Noah felt all of the color drain out of his face. His father wasn’t going to…surely he wouldn’t expect…

“Noah, although we’ve never talked about sex I’m sure you learned all about it in school at some point,” his father said.

“Uh….yes, sir,” Noah stammered, ducking his head so that his father couldn’t see his flushed cheeks. He knew about sex…picking up tidbits here and there growing up along with the formal sex education classes in school. But he’d never had sex. Actually he never really did anything besides kiss some girls. The fact that Noah was still a virgin didn’t bother him though. Getting laid wasn’t one of his top priorities like the guys he sometimes hung around with. Noah figured it would happen when the time was right…with someone he loved.

“Good.” His father gave him a curt nod. “Now I don’t know your sexual history nor do I want to. But I do know that prom night can be very special so I want to make sure you are properly prepared.” He thrust the box of violet box of Trojans toward him.

Noah took it, a bit dumbfounded. His straight laced, by the book father was actually encouraging premarital sex…with the General’s daughter no less. “Thanks,” Noah said, a bit unsure if he should say more.

“I expect you to treat Lydia with the utmost respect,” his father informed him.

“Yes, of course,” Noah quickly replied. “I’d never disrespect her…never.”

“Good.” His father smiled. “Prom night is not only a night for men….it’s also a night for gentleman as well and I expect that you act like both.”

“Yes, sir.”

His father slowly rose from the bed. “I’ll have the money you need for the hotel room tomorrow. Carry on.”

Noah just stared at the box of Trojans in his hands….Trojan Her Pleasure with Warm Sensations Lubricant Condoms. _Her_ pleasure… _her_ pleasure…

Looked like Winston Mayer was still trying to make a man out of him.

He was a man…dammit….he was.

Noah opened the box and tore two condoms off the strip, shoving them into his wallet. A man needed to be prepared.

 

****

********  
 _Oakdale, IL_  


_Sure lips met his…kissing him slow and deep…so hot, so erotic…so like nothing he’d never felt before…a gentle hand on the back of his neck…a strong hand stroking his cock…light brown hair…intense green eyes…oh yes…_

_**Kyle**_!

Noah bolted upright in the bed, sweat dripping down his forehead. No…no…no…no…what the hell was going on?

His cock was hard…his cheeks were flushed…he couldn’t catch his breath or stop trembling. Noah got out of bed, trying to steady himself on wobbly legs. He couldn’t shake the images from his dream. Worse yet…the feeling of desire...feelings for…

Shaking his head, he stumbled toward the bathroom in his dingy motel room. After seeing his room at the Wagon Wheel, spending the night in his truck suddenly seemed more appealing. But Noah wasn’t about the waste the thirty dollars he spent on the room so he stuck it out. The bathroom was right out of _Psycho_. Noah locked the door in fear that Norman Bates might interrupt his shower with a knife. The water was cool....just what he needed to quench the fire that was still burning in his groin.

Usually this did the trick but on this particular morning his dick remained hard. Reluctantly he wrapped his hand around his penis and began to stroke it. Noah kept his eyes open afraid of what or who he’d see if he allowed them to close. Faster and faster he pumped his cock, the intensity building so close to release…

Yes…yes…that’s it…

Ropes of come spewed from his dick, hitting the dull, shower tile. Euphoria was quickly replaced by shame…and guilt. Masturbating was wrong…it was for the weak…it _wasn’t_ for men. And Noah had to be a man… _needed_ to be a man.

His father forbade such an act. And if he knew…

Noah pulled back the shower curtain and stepped out of the tub, quickly seeking out the ratty sad excuse for a towel and wrapping his body in it. Dammit…here he was in another state and his father was still in his head. But it was impossible to forget what had happened when his father had caught him in the act…

 

_Noah and Kyle were sitting in Kyle’s room listening to his new Nickelback CD one unseasonably warm fall afternoon. Noah enjoyed just hanging out with his friend. They talked about so many things…school, film, football. Any topic that Kyle brought up was the Holy Grail as far as Noah was concerned._

_However, they’d never talked about sex…until then. Kyle was telling him about how he liked to beat off at night…what a great stress reliever it was and how it helped him sleep. Kyle even showed him the “Playboy” he had stashed underneath his mattress, pointing out which women the thought were the hottest. Noah could only sit there, nodding and agreeing with him. He couldn’t let Kyle know that he was speaking Greek to him…that he’d never jerked off…and that staring at all of those naked women didn’t elicit the same response from him._

_“And it’s even better when a girl does it for you,” Kyle added. “But it still doesn’t replace actually having sex.”_

_“Right.” Noah nodded._

_Kyle grinned. “It’s okay if you’re still a virgin. I didn’t lose it until I was sixteen.” Noah blew out a large sigh of relief which didn’t go unnoticed by Kyle. “Hey…you don’t have to try to pretend to be something that you’re not. We’re buds because I think you’re a cool kid. Got it?”_

_“Got it.”_

_Kyle leapt up, tearing his t-shirt off over his head. “Damn…it’s hot in here. I love this song!” he exclaimed, proceeding to play air guitar and sing. “I like your pants around your feet…I like the dirt that’s on your knees…And I like the way you still say please while you’re looking up at me…you’re like my favorite damn disease.”_

_Noah watched in awe as his friend sang and danced around the room. Why couldn’t he be confident like Kyle? Would he ever have a nice defined chest like his? Would he ever be anything like Kyle? Could anyone ever be more perfect?_

_His father wasn’t home when Noah returned from Kyle’s. The house was still and quiet but, most importantly, all his. Thoughts of his afternoon at Kyle’s were still fresh in his head…the laughing, the joking, the talk about doing **that** to yourself, and Kyle…singing, dancing, shirtless…_

_Noah lay down on his head, closing his eyes. His cock was slowly coming to life. He unzipped his jeans, wiggling them down past his hips so that he’d have easier access to himself. Concentrating as hard as he could, Noah tried to remember the visions of the naked women he’d seen in the magazine a couple of hours earlier. Women were what he was supposed to be thinking about, women were what aroused men. But images of his shirtless friend flashed through his mind…he could hear his laughter…kind words…_

_Unconsciously Noah had begun stroke himself, his dick so hard. Noah shoved his underwear down so he could get better access. Much better. Pushing thoughts of his friend aside he forced himself to think of the breasts he’d seen…soft round curves…pussies waiting to be filled with a hard cock…asses…cock…._

_And then Noah cried out…his pleasure ringing off the walls of his bedroom…hot come poured from his dick._

_“What the hell is going on in here?” his father’s voice boomed._

_At that moment Noah wished the earth would open up and swallow him whole. Anything would be better than what was happening to him. He was yanked off his bed and thrown into the hallway. Noah quickly scrambled to pull up his pants but his father smacked his hands away._

_“The time for humility has passed,” his father sneered, snatching his wrist and dragging him into the bathroom._

_“I’m…s-s-sorry,” Noah stammered._

_Still keeping one hand wrapped around Noah’s wrist, his father turned the hot water on the sink on full blast. He waited until steam rose from the tap and then grabbed Noah’s other hand, forcing both into the scalding water._

_“We have to wash the filth from your hands…rid them of their vileness,” his father ranted.  
Noah screamed, trying desperately to pull his hands out of the inferno. He fought to keep the tears from spilling from his eyes as he was sure his hands were going to melt right off his body. “Please…please…” he desperately cried. “I’ll…be…good. I’m s-s-s-sorry.”_

_Finally his father relented, shutting off the water. He marched over to the shower, turning on the cold water. “Strip…now!”_

_Noah knew better than to protest, which would only make things worse…if they could even get worse at this point. Once Noah was naked he was forced inside it. At first the icy water felt good on his hands, but as it continued to pour over his body he was reduced to a shivering mess. Desperately he tried to warm himself with his achy hands but it was no use. He was freezing…he was going to freeze to death._

_“Out!” his father said, yanking open the shower curtain._

_Quivering, Noah managed to step over the tub and onto the cool white tile. He wrapped his arms around himself, praying for some heat to return to his body._

_“Look at me!”_

_He lifted his head, fearfully meeting his father’s disapproving gaze._

_“You will never touch yourself in that manner again! Real men don’t masturbate! It’s for the weak…for the deviant…and my son will be neither of these things! Is…that…clear?!?” his father commanded._

_“Yes, sir,” Noah replied, his body still shaking uncontrollably. He was certain that he’d never have any problem with this because he wasn’t likely to live to see the next day. He was so, so, cold._

_“Get dressed, strip down your bedding, and then you will wash it all out by hand.”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_His father turned on his heel and marched out of the room. Noah quickly got dressed, but his clothes did little to warm his body. It didn’t matter though. There were orders that needed to be followed. Delaying wasn’t an option. As he stripped the bedding off his mattress Noah vowed that he’d do everything in his power to try to be the man his father expected him to be._

 

Even after that tirade Noah had still found ways to pleasure himself. When he did it was always very quickly in the shower when his father wasn’t home. And it was always followed by massive amounts of guilt and shame that lasted for days. But that hadn’t stopped him.

After Noah dressed he grabbed his list of apartments he had found on the Internet had headed toward town, hoping to find a place to get a good cup of coffee. Noah stumbled upon a quaint little oasis called Old Town. He spotted a place called Java and parked his truck nearby. With a name like Java he figured that they must have excellent coffee. He stopped at a newspaper box so he could pick up a copy of _The City Times_. One thing his father did teach him was to always have all of his bases covered.

There was something about Java that made him feel at ease. Whether it was the aroma of the brewing coffee or the way the patrons casually lounged at the tables reading or typing away on their laptops, Noah couldn’t be sure. But he was positive this was the place to plan his attack.

Over a cup of coffee Noah searched the rental section of the newspaper hoping to find a something cheaper than the list of apartments he’d found online. A small ad for an upper flat “within walking distance to Old Town” caught his eye. The price was very reasonable...only $250 a month. Noah wondered what the catch was…it couldn’t be any worse than his sad excuse for a motel room that he’d suffered through last night. He decided that he’d call the number in the ad to see if he could see it right away because the sooner he got back on the road to Fort Leonard Wood the better.

“Hello,” an elderly voice answered the phone.

“Hi, I was calling in inquire about the flat you have for rent. I’d like to come by and take a look at it if it’s still available.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Good. I’m at Java right now I’d love to swing by now if it’s convenient for you, ma’am.”

“Yes, you can come by now,” she said and the proceeded to give him directions to her house.

About ten minutes later Noah was knocking on the door of an older two story tan home with a tidy yard in what looked like a historic neighborhood. A petite gray haired woman answered the door, introducing herself as Mrs. Betcher.

“I’m, Noah Mayer,” he said, gently shaking her hand in fear that he might break the frail elderly lady.

She stepped out onto the porch. “The entrance to the upper is around the back. It’s a studio apartment that is fully furnished,” she explained. “Will it just be for you?”

“Yes, I have a summer internship at WOAK. I’d only need it for a few months.”

“Oh…I just love _Oakdale Now_! That Brad is such a cutie and Katie is so beautiful!”

“I’ll have to check it out sometime,” Noah replied. He briefly remembered reading something about the show on the station’s Web site. It had looked like a local version of _Live with Regis and Kelly_.

“So you don’t plan on staying in Oakdale long?”

“No, I’ll be attending Northwestern in the fall,” he told her.

“Good for you,” she said, unlocking the back door and slowly escorting him up the narrow staircase. “Now…I don’t allow any loud music, wild parties, or shacking up with girls. Of course you’re allowed to have female visitors but I won’t condone living together out of wedlock.”

“Don’t worry,” Noah assured her once they reached the top. “It’s just going to be me, ma’am.”  
Mrs. Betcher smiled warmly at him. “You seem like such a nice boy, Noah. It’s so rare to encounter someone of your age with such impeccable manners.”

“I was raised in a strict military household.”

She escorted Noah into the room which smelled liked moth balls. “This is it. It’s not too much…but it would be a roof over your head.”

Mrs. Betcher was right. The place was hardly a palace but it was clean and furnished even if the furniture looked thirty years old. And he couldn’t beat the price. Hopefully he was gaining Mrs. Betcher’s approval so he could rent this place for the summer.

“I don’t need too much,” Noah replied. He never had too much growing up so why start now.

“The sofa pulls out into a bed,” she explained. “The TV is color and hooked up to basic cable. The refrigerator is small but it keeps everything ice cold. And the oven is in good working order as well.”

Noah poked his head into the small bathroom which consisted of a standup shower which he just might be able to cram himself into, tiny sink and toilet. The lime green fixtures and tile might be dated but the room was clean.

“It’s nice,” Noah said, joining her in the kitchen nook which was in the far corner of the flat. Next to the kitchen was an old wooden table with four mismatched chairs.

“There is an air conditioner too,” she said, gesturing toward the old window unit that looked almost as old as the furniture.

“Great. I’d love to take it if that’s all right with you.”

“Yes, I would be happy to have you here,” she kindly informed him with a smile. “When would you move in?”

“June 1st.”

Mrs. Betcher nodded. “June 1st it is then.”

“Is there a lease you need me to sign? Or did you need a deposit?” Noah asked. It couldn’t be this simple. Nothing in his life was easy.

“You seem like a nice, respectable young man,” she decided. “How about a simple handshake?” She held out her hand, which Noah took sealing the transaction.

“It’s a deal,” he said.

Noah had planned on hitting the road but Mrs. Betcher insisted on fixing him lunch. She was such a sweet lady he hadn’t the heart to turn her down. Over chicken salad sandwiches and strawberry pie, Mrs. Betcher gave Noah a brief history of Oakdale, which for a small town it sounded like it had a lot going on.

When Noah left he was excited about his future…everything was in place. For once in his life he didn’t have that feeling of dread gnawing in his stomach. In just a few weeks, Noah would be living his dream.

And when Noah returned to Fort Leonard Wood his father was none the wiser.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah is getting closer to leaving for Oakdale.

“Okay…how many amendments are there to the U.S. Constitution?” Noah asked, peering down at his notebook.

Lydia sighed. “Can’t we take a break? My brain is just about fried.”

Noah and Lydia had been studying for their U.S. Government final exam for the past two hours. Getting an “A” on the exam was imperative to Noah. Although his father had finally agreed to pay for Northwestern, Noah hoped that he could somehow get a scholarship of some sort so he wouldn’t have to totally rely on his father. If he aced all of his finals he’d have a perfect 4.0 GPA for his senior year which would definitely boost his overall grade point average.

“Not yet. We still have two more pages of notes to get through.”

“You’re a slave driver,” Lydia said, shaking his head and reaching for the bottle of water that was sitting on the kitchen table.

“Don’t tell me that my son is giving you a hard time, Lydia,” his father said, sauntering into the kitchen.

“He’s quite the task master, Colonel Mayer,” Lydia informed him good-naturedly. “I have a feeling he takes after you.”

His father deposited his coffee mug into the sink. “I think my son has the potential to be a fine soldier, but he’d rather go to college.”

“Both are excellent choices,” Lydia said diplomatically. “I don’t think Noah could go wrong with either one.”

“We’re studying for our Government final,” Noah told him, hoping to take the focus off his future plans. All of this talk of being a “fine solider” was making him nervous. His father couldn’t change his mind now. Graduation was only a week away.

His father nodded. “I’m going to be heading out to the officer’s club. I won’t be home until 23:00. Don’t study too hard. Take a break and relax for a bit.”

“See!” Lydia playfully slapped Noah from across the table. “Even your father says we need a break.”

Noah’s father smiled and patted Noah’s shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on the lovely lady, Noah. Enjoy yourselves.”

“You too!” Lydia called after him as he left the room.

Noah’s stomach twisted into knots. Although his father’s remarks most likely seemed innocent to Lydia, Noah could definitely read between the lines. He was purposely leaving them alone, thinking that Lydia was his girlfriend. Most parents wouldn’t knowingly leave their teenage son alone in the house with a girl for several hours. Colonel Winston Mayer wasn’t most parents. He was doing his best to make sure that his son was getting laid on a regular basis. His boy needed to be a man.

If his father ever found out the truth…

Noah shuddered at that thought. For the past two weeks Noah had been keeping up the charade that he’d gone to prom with Lydia. His father had eaten up the pictures Noah had produced of Lydia and him. He’d said that Noah and Lydia made a fine couple. Thankfully he hadn’t pressed for too many details. And it has helped that Lydia has been to the house a couple of times since prom. His father had seen the visits as dates. Noah let him since it made his life easier.

Ever since he returned from Oakdale, his father had been downright pleasant toward him. The edge that was usually in his voice was gone. Weeks had past since his father had said a harsh word toward him. Guilt still plagued Noah for having to lie to about prom. He felt positively ill, knowing that the newfound truce between him and his father was built upon a lie.

“Noah…Noah…” Lydia was calling him.

He glanced up from his notebook. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“I lost you there,” she chuckled. “I think you might need a break after all.”

“Sorry,” Noah replied, glancing away from her and praying that she couldn’t detect his sudden uneasiness.

But no such luck.

“Is everything okay?” Lydia asked, suddenly growing quite serious.

If only Noah could tell her the truth…that he’d allowed his father to convince himself that he was sleeping with her because it was easier than trying to explain the alternative… that he was counting down the days until he was gone because his life had been so miserable. And that his father never looked upon him with pride…just disappointment. But he had to keep up the charade until the bitter end. Lydia’s father was a General and he couldn’t risk any words of negativity about his father getting back to him. His father’s career in the military was everything to him.

“Yeah…maybe I do need a break from studying,” he said, forcing a smile. He pushed his notebook away.

“Don’t worry,” she assured him. “You’ll ace the exam. And leave us all behind in a cloud of dust, heading to Illinois.”

“You’ve been a great friend to me,” Noah said, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know if I could have made it through this year without you.” Lydia would never know just _how_ important her friendship to Noah had been. There were just some things about his life that he could never, ever tell another soul.

She waved her hand dismissively. “Now don’t you start getting all sentimental on me! We still have a week to go!”

One week. One week until Noah left Fort Leonard Wood. Seven more days until his life finally became his own.

****

********

Noah studied the phone number on his cell phone, trying to figure out who could have possibly sent him the video message that was sitting in his inbox, still unopened. The area code wasn’t local, however it was vaguely familiar. Off the top of his head he couldn’t quite place where it was from, though. And another thing puzzled him. No one he knew ever sent video messages.

“Well…I guess there’s only one way to find out,” he murmured, pressing the button to play the message.

On his small display screen an attractive young woman wearing a dark blue spaghetti strapped dress …probably close to his age…tilted her head and smiled as she spoke, “Hi, again. I don't know if you're ever going to get this, but I wanted you to know that being with you would've made this night everything that it should've been. I think about you holding me and not to sound sappy, but I keep counting down the days until we can be together.” Then she blew a kiss at the camera and the message ended.

What the hell? Who was this girl and why was she sending him this message?

Well…obliviously it wasn’t meant for him. The intended recipient was probably a lucky  
guy. She looked sweet, but a bit sad…

Noah snapped his phone shut, shoving it into his front pocket. He didn’t have time to contemplate this mystery woman because he needed to get to the theater. He hopped into his truck and was quickly on his way.

Sometimes Noah really hated his commute to Branson. The drive offered him way too much time to think. And that’s all he’s been doing lately…torn between being excited about graduating and moving on, and still fearing the worst that somehow he wouldn’t make it to Oakdale and finally Northwestern.

But he couldn’t keep worrying; it was only going to make him crazy. He just had to stay focused, keep his eyes on the prize. He was so close. Yet, he still hadn’t figured out how he was going to spring the internship on his father. Noah was going to have to tell him. He just couldn’t leave a note right after graduation, explaining where he’d gone…not if he wanted his father to still pay for Northwestern.

Why was his life so damn complicated?

Noah was determined that once he started his internship at WOAK he’d be able to begin to live a normal life….whatever that was. Nothing in his life had been normal. But that was going to change in six days.

This was the last day that he was working at Moon River Theatre. Having to quit had been bittersweet for Noah. The theater had become a second home. He loved how he’d been part of a team…something special. Noah felt comfortable backstage at the theater, making sure the performers were ready and everything was perfect. His attention to detail allowed him to thrive. Basically he acted as an Assistant Director when needed. Rehearsal schedules were always kept up to date, props were always in their place, and he constantly anticipated everyone’s needs.

Some of the performers could be needier than others. Brenda Raycroft, one of the actresses in the musical that was opening next week, was a prime example. She was constantly asking Noah to go over the rehearsal schedule with her. Sometimes she’d ask Noah to stay after to go over blocking or run lines with her. There was always something when it came to Brenda.

“Noah!” an all too familiar female voice called to him.

Brenda. Noah had barely gotten through the door when the curvy, auburn hair actress found him. Stopping in his tracks, he planted a smile on his face and turned to face her. “Hello, Brenda.”

She sauntered up to him, placing her hand on his arm. “I can’t believe today is your last day,” she said, heaving an exasperated sigh.

“My summer internship in Illinois starts June 1st,” Noah told her.

“But you can’t leave me!” Brenda exclaimed. “You’ve been my rock! Who is going to keep me on schedule? Make sure that I know all of my lines?”

“You’ll manage,” Noah said, giving her a gentle pat on the shoulder. He tried to walk away but she grasped his arm, stopping him.

“We have to go out so I can give you a proper goodbye,” she insisted. “I want to take you to dinner or _something_.”

Oh, no…Noah didn’t want any part of that. Once rehearsal was over he wanted to put this part of his life behind him. He wormed out of her grasp. “I don’t think I can. After rehearsal I have to get back home so I can pack and study…”

“Please.”

Over Brenda’s shoulder Noah saw the theater intern, who was going to be taking over his job, heading his way. Yes, a savior. “Gabe!” Noah called, hoping that he could distract Brenda, who obviously was having a hard time taking ‘no’ for an answer.

“Hey, Noah,” Gabe said, joining them. “Are you ready for your final day?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Noah sighed.

“Noah, just think about what I suggested,” Brenda said, flashing her light blue eyes at him before she pranced away.

“What was that about?” Gabe asked once she was out of earshot.

Noah tried to shrug it off. “Oh…she just wanted to get together or something after rehearsal.”

“I’ll bet it was _or something_. Most likely a big send off if you know what I mean,” Gabe chuckled. “Brenda is so hot for you, Mayer. I overheard her last weekend telling Kate how gorgeous she thinks you are.”

Even though the signs were there, Noah still found it hard to believe. He certainly didn’t consider himself gorgeous or even remotely good looking for that matter. He was all legs and arms, his nose was a bit too large, and not to mention that he was boney, awkward, often tongue-tied…basically a certified mess. Nothing was attractive about all of those attributes.

“Yeah…well…I’ve got things to do after work,” Noah replied, wishing that Gabe would just let the topic be dropped.

“Have you lost your mind?” Gabe stared at him slack-jawed. “She’s hot…she wants you…what the hell are you waiting for?”

Brenda was pretty but he didn’t feel anything toward her. Looking at her was like viewing a painting, he could appreciate her beauty but that was about it. Sadly it was always it, though. The same thing happened with Lydia and the girl he was set up with before her and so on.

Maybe there _was_ something wrong with him…

No, no, no…he was fine…he was normal. There were other things that were just more important to him at the moment. Everything would change once he got out of Missouri. When he got to Oakdale he’d be able to live a little…maybe even date…

“I won’t even be here in a week,” Noah reminded him.

“I don’t think she cares,” Gabe countered. “She just wants a little taste of the elusive Noah Mayer.”

Why couldn’t Gabe just let it go? Why did everyone have to push him? Noah shook his head. “I have to find Mitch to see if he has any notes for me about today’s rehearsal,” he said, brushing past the intern.

Noah managed to weave his way through the backstage area without any other interruptions. Stepping out from behind the curtain, he spotted Mitch, the director, sitting in the front row scribbling notes on a clipboard. Hopefully it meant that Noah was going to have a busy afternoon ahead of him.

“Hey, Mitch,” Noah said, slipping into the seat next to the director.

“I still can’t believe you’re leaving me before we open,” Mitch muttered, staring at the sheet of paper in front of him.

Usually the Moon River Theatre hosted recording artists, mostly from the fifties or sixties, throughout the year. But every now and then there were musicals. _Oklahoma!_ would be kicking off the summer theater schedule, running the first two weeks of June. But Noah wouldn’t be there to see it debut. He’d be in Oakdale on opening night.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t pass up this opportunity.”

“Your first step toward your successful film career?” Mitch asked, half teasing as he glanced over at Noah, arching his eyebrows.

Noah had grown accustomed to remarks like that made by everyone from his father to some of his friends (and he used the word loosely here). No one seemed to believe that he had the talent to make it in the industry. He’d been accused of trying to escape reality or wanting to just spend his college career watching movies. Deep in his heart Noah knew that making films was his calling, it was what he was meant to do.

“Hopefully,” he replied, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

“Well…remember to thank me when you win the Academy Award,” Mitch replied sarcastically.

Why couldn’t just one person believe in him?

“Here.” He handed Noah the one of the sheets of paper from his clipboard. “Gather this group so we can run through their number first. Make sure you have the next group standing by as well. We have a lot to get through today so everyone needs to be on their toes.”

“Yes, sir,” Noah replied, taking the paper and heading toward the stage. He did his best to dismiss the insecurity Mitch had stirred in him. The director was cranky because he was essentially losing his right hand man. Countless times Mitch had complimented Noah on his ability to keep things running smoothly, telling him he was a natural.

And when Noah took the stage to gather up the actors he felt at peace once again…in control. Noah rallied the troops with a voice and in a fashion that might have made his father proud. Everyone quickly responded to Noah’s direction, hung on his every word. Once he carried out Mitch’s instructions, Noah joined the director in the front row as the opening scene unfolded in front of them.

****

********

“Okay, everyone!” Noah shouted out to the exhausted group of performers that were littering the stage area. “Rehearsal is at eleven sharp tomorrow…don’t be late. Mitch wants to run through the entire production from top to bottom without any interruptions.”

“How are we ever going to get through it without you, Noah?” Felicia, one of the members of the chorus, asked.

“You guys are a great group of professionals,” Noah assured them. “You don’t need me to keep you in line.” As he was finishing the sentence, a couple of the members of the backstage crew appeared with a large sheet cake. “What’s this?” he asked a bit dumbfounded.

“Surprise!” Gabe exclaimed. “You don’t think we’d let you leave without a little celebration.”

Noah peered at the cake, which had the message, “Good luck, Noah. We’ll miss you!” written in blue icing. “Wow,” Noah gasped. He never had his own cake before, not even for his birthday (his father didn’t believe in them). “Thank you, everyone.”

Mitch appeared by his side, handing him a large knife. “You get to do the honors.”

For the next hour everyone hung around, eating cake and wishing Noah luck at Northwestern. Once the cake was gone, people took the time to say their individual goodbye’s to Noah. He received countless pats on the back and hugs. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so special. This is probably what it felt like to be part of a big, loving family. Noah hoped this wasn’t going to be the only time he ever felt like this.

While everyone dispersed Brenda used this as an opportunity to sidle up to Noah. “Here,” she breathed, thrusting a small piece of paper into his hand. “It’s my number. Call me if you change your mind about tonight.”

Before Noah could reply she was gone, losing herself amongst the rest of the cast. Shaking his head, Noah shoved the paper into the front pocket of his jeans. He really needed to get out of there.

Before he could, Noah felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Noah,” a smooth male voice said.

Noah turned to find Trevor Colburn standing behind him. Trevor...tall, wavy dark brown hair, sky blue eyes, handsome, lead actor…Trevor. He was playing Curly McLain in the production and would undoubtedly steal the show with his strong singing voice and perfect dance moves.

“Hey, can I help you with anything?” Noah asked, finding it a bit odd that Trevor was still around. He’d already gotten his “good luck wish” from Trevor so he figured that this must be work related.

“Nothing official,” he replied, grinning warmly. “I just wanted to catch up with you before you left us all for good.”

“You make it sound so dramatic,” Noah laughed, leaning against one of the walls in the now deserted backstage area.

“Well…I am an actor.”

“A damn fine one if I may say so.”

“Please do,” Trevor insisted. “I just love having my ego stroked…among other things.”  
Noah rolled his eyes and shook his head. Why couldn’t he have half of the confidence of this guy? Trevor made everything look so effortless.

“Anyway,” Trevor continued, closing the space between them, “let’s face it. You don’t plan on ever coming back to wonderful, exciting, Branson, do you?”

Noah could feel himself slowly drowning in the set of blue eyes that were gazing intently at him. “No, I don’t,” he admitted. “Once I get on the highway I’m not looking back.”

“You’re going to be missed,” Trevor said quietly.

“Mitch will find a way to deal,” Noah managed to reply. Suddenly he was finding it hard to speak. His throat was so dry. God…it was really warm back here.

“I’m not talking about Mitch,” Trevor murmured, his mouth now hovering mere centimeters from his.

“I don’t ---”

Noah was silenced as Trevor’s lips pressed softly against his, sending a slow burn throughout his body, centering in his groin which was quickly coming to life. Hands were in his hair, drawing him closer, a tongue slipped past his half parted lips. Ignition. That elusive spark that had been missing all of his life was now setting his body on fire.

All this time….

_No…no…no…_

“No,” Noah gasped, pushing Trevor away from him. “What the hell?”

Trevor gaped at him, dumbfounded. “Noah, I thought you were ---”

Noah wasn’t about to let him finish the sentence. “No, I’m not!” he spat. “How dare you think such a thing?” He brushed past him, charging toward the nearest exit.

He was sure as hell not gay. No way. _No fucking way._

Noah should have punched Trevor for thinking such a thing. How dare Trevor assume that he’d want to kiss him?

There was no fucking way that he’d asked for it. And he didn’t like it. He wasn’t attracted to guys. No…no… _no!_

He was a man damn it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah decides to prove that he's a "man".

_I’m a man…I’m a man…I’m a man,_ Noah kept repeating to himself as he dashed from the Moon River Theatre out toward his truck in the parking lot. He was trying hard to ignore the fact that his lips still tingled and his body had yet to cool down from Trevor’s…

_I’m a man…I’m a man…I’m a man…_

Trevor had no fucking right to assume that he was…god…he couldn’t even _think_ the word at the moment. The mere thought of what Trevor had wrongly assumed he was…fuck…it was enough to make him puke. What Trevor thought he was…Noah definitely wasn’t. No way. _Never._  
Noah liked women. The fact that he never had a steady girlfriend didn’t mean a damn thing. He’d been busy studying, preparing to go to Northwestern, which was the most important thing in this life. Having a girlfriend would have only distracted him from his quest. There was nothing wrong with being focused. And it wasn’t like he _never_ dated.

Wrapping his arms around his chest, Noah paced outside of his truck, trying desperately to calm himself. But it was next to impossible as the questions continued to assault his brain. The biggest being what if someone had seen them?

Noah’s blood ran cold at the thought. His father…oh good god…his father would kill him…okay maybe not kill but likely beat him senseless….disown him…refuse to let him go to Northwestern. No…no…no…Noah couldn’t bear it. His father was his only family…he still needed him. And Northwestern was everything to him. If he couldn’t go there…

Noah was half-tempted to just get in his truck and drive straight to Oakdale. Just get as far away as he could and start his life over immediately. Forget taking his finals…forget graduation....just run, run, run and don’t look back.

But he couldn’t because it was crazy, cowardly, and he needed to finish out the last few days of his senior year so he could go Northwestern. Noah could face his father. He’d never know.  
Tears stung Noah’s eyes. Great…now he was going to cry like a little fa…

No he wouldn’t. Noah was a man…a real man.

Slipping his hand in the front pocket of his jeans, Noah reached for his keys but as he pulled them out a piece of paper fell to the pavement. He picked it up and looked at it.

_Brenda – 417-258-5029_

Yes…this was it…this was the perfect solution. Brenda wanted him. Brenda knew he was a man. And he’d be more than happy to show her just how much of a man he could be. Noah would rock Brenda’s world. Yes…that’s what he’d do. And no one would ever dare to question his sexuality again. No one would make preposterous assumptions.

Noah unlocked his truck, hopping inside. He pulled out his cell phone, dialing the number on the crumpled piece of paper. It was time for a man to take charge.

“Hello,” Brenda answered.

Noah took a breath. “Hi, Brenda…it’s Noah.”

“Hey,” her voice instantly became sweeter.

“I…I was wondering if your offer was still good,” he quickly spit out. _Please don’t let her change her mind. She has to still want me._

“Yes, definitely! My roommate is gone for the evening. Did you want to come over?”

Relief washed over his body. She hadn’t changed her mind. She still wanted to see him.

“Yes,” Noah replied.

“Great!” she exclaimed and then proceeded to give him directions to her apartment.

Great…definitely great. Brenda was an attractive, talented woman. There was no doubt about it. She was also a few years older than Noah and had been doing theater since she graduated from high school. From what he knew about her (which wasn’t too much) she was a student at the University of Missouri, majoring in Drama. Right now the most important thing about her was the fact that she wanted him.

After Noah parked his truck in the parking lot of the apartment complex, he pulled down the visor and flipped open the vanity mirror so he could do a quick once over. The sapphire eyes staring back at him seemed a bit dazed and unsure.

“You want this,” he told his reflection. “You need this…need Brenda.”

Quickly he snapped the mirror shut, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Yes…he was going to do this. He wanted to do this.

Noah marched across the parking lot toward Brenda’s apartment building. His heart hammered in his chest…not because he was nervous…no that wasn’t the case at all. He was excited…beyond excited really. Noah was going to get laid. This was going to be so good. Brenda was beautiful. He was crazy to have initially turned down her offer. Thankfully he was going to be able to rectify that wrong.

When he reached her door, Noah knocked sharply on it. Within seconds it opened, revealing Brenda’s smiling face. Gone were the t-shirt and jeans she’d been wearing for rehearsal. The casual attire was replaced with a black mini-skirt and a tight white tank top which showed off her full breasts.

“Hey, there,” she said, stepping aside so he could enter.

“Hey.”

“I’m glad you changed your mind.”

Noah nodded. “Me too.”

“Did you want a drink or ---”

Her thought was lost as Noah’s mouth crashed against hers. Hot and demanding, Noah thrust his tongue into her mouth. _Yes…this was how it was supposed to be. This is what I want…who I want,_ he told himself, trying desperately to ignore the fact that the kiss felt sloppy and awkward as his tongue tangled with hers.

“Whoa…wait a minute,” Brenda breathed, pulling away.

Oh…no…she thought the kissed sucked. She was going to politely send him right back out the door. “Is…is…there something wrong?” Noah asked, half panicked.

She smiled gently at him. “Why don’t we slow this down a bit?” she suggested. “How about a beer?”

“I…uh…really don’t drink,” Noah stammered. Sneaking alcohol was something that Noah hadn’t dared to do. Well…besides that one time when his father was out of town a few years ago…

“Aw, come on,” she said, rubbing his arm. “This is supposed to be a special party for two. And you can’t have a party without alcohol.”

Well…maybe a drink wouldn’t hurt. Actually, it might help him relax a bit. “Sure,” he said, forcing a smile.

“Great,” she purred, sashaying into the kitchen. “Why don’t you get more comfortable?”

“Okay,” Noah said, toeing off his sneakers and settling himself on the well worn beige sofa in the living room. Anxiously he glanced around the room, his right leg bobbing in place as he took in his surroundings…a small TV, wooden coffee table, a faded green arm chair, and a portable stereo system in the corner.

Maybe he should put some romantic music on…

No…that was too predictable. And knowing his luck he would break her stereo.

Maybe he should suggest watching a movie….

No…he was there to have sex, not to watch a movie. He could watch a movie whenever he wanted. This was his big opportunity to finally lose his virginity. And it needed to happen tonight.  
Noah tried not to dwell on the condoms he had stashed away in his wallet. He’d put one of them to use. He was sure of it.

_I want this…I want this…_

Brenda sauntered into the living room balancing two bottles of Bud Lite along with two shot glasses filled with an amber liquid. “Here,” she said, standing before him, “take one of each.” Noah did as he was told, eyeing the shot glass questioningly. She put the beer on the coffee table and kept the shot glass in her hand. “I thought it was best that we start out the night with a shot of whiskey.” Brenda held up the shot glass. “Bottoms up.” She threw back the shot and then perched herself next to Noah on the couch.

“Bottoms up,” Noah repeated before he swallowed the whiskey, which burned its way down his throat. Grimacing, he placed the shot glass on the coffee table and grabbed the beer, hoping to chase away the foul taste from his mouth.

“Much better. Don’t you think?” Brenda scooted closer to Noah so that their thighs were touching.

“Yeah,” Noah replied, draping his arm around her, rubbing her shoulder. He took a long pull from his Bud Lite. A warm, fuzzy wave seemed to wash through his body. Yeah…he was a bit buzzed. He remembered the only other time he felt this way…almost three years ago…Kyle…a few days before he left for Northwestern…sneaking beer…getting drunk…laughing together…playful wrestling…the perfect evening…

“I didn’t think you were interested in me,” Brenda confessed, placing her hand on his thigh slowly rubbing it.

“No…that wasn’t the case at all,” Noah assured her. “I just didn’t want to get involved with anyone that I worked with….but now I don’t work there anymore…”

“So….you’ve come by to love me and leave me,” she purred, slipping her hand underneath Noah’s gray t-shirt.

“Well…” Noah stammered. He knew he should probably be removing her tank top. He should be anxious to see what was underneath it. But he wasn’t. Maybe it was just nerves…it had to be nerves. There was _no way_ that it could possibly be anything else.

“It’s okay…I really like you, Noah,” she said, rubbing her hand along his stomach, which seemed to tense underneath her touch.

Noah’s body appeared to be in shock…so unaccustomed to gentle caresses. _Relax,_ he told himself. _This is how it’s supposed to be...just go with it. Stop being such a freak._  
“I like you too,” Noah said, although the words sounded completely foreign to him as they came out of his mouth. But he’d be crazy not to like the pretty girl sitting next to him.

“Good,” she replied, smiling sweetly. Her other hand crept up along his thigh, seeking out his cock which was still hibernating in his jeans.

Noah couldn’t understand why his dick wasn’t coming to life. Brenda’s gentle caresses felt nice…even a bit comforting. Shouldn’t that be enough to make him hard? He _had_ to get hard…damn it. He reached for his beer, sucking down the rest of the bottle.

“Now relax, sweetie…let me take care of you.”

“Okay,” Noah murmured, exhaling a long breath.

Brenda’s small hand slid to his crotch…thin fingers trailed along his balls, then cupped them, fondling gently. Noah squeezed his eyes shut. _Please let my body respond…this is what I want…this is what I want…please,_ he silently begged.

“How’s this?” she breathed.

“Good,” Noah responded. Being touched did feel nice…especially since it had happened so rarely throughout his life…never from his family. Sometimes hugs from friends…Lydia… _Kyle_ …yeah those were good times.

There…the blood was slowly finding its way toward Noah’s groin. His cock was beginning to come to life. See…there wasn’t anything wrong with him. He was a hot blooded, teenage male who was dying for some sex just like every other normal guy.

_Yeah…that’s good…that feels good…much better than…_

Brenda removed her hand from Noah’s lap, causing his eyes to snap open. He stared at her as she stood up and slowly pulled her white tank top over her head. “I can make you feel better than good,” she seductively breathed as she unhooked her bra, revealing round, perky tits with hard pink nipples.

Noah stared at them and felt… _nothing_.

What was wrong with him? Yeah his dick was hard, but barely.

Maybe he wasn’t a breast man. Yeah…that was it. Plenty of guys preferred asses. He was probably one of those guys. Once he saw Brenda’s ass, he’d be aching to fuck her…he would.  
Noah quickly peeled off his t-shirt, determined to show Brenda that he was really into this…into _her_. “Yeah?”

“Oh…yeah,” she said, reaching behind her to unzip her mini skirt.

Noah brought his hand to his crotch, slowly rubbing the outline of his cock. He needed to stay hard.

“So you like what you see?” Brenda purred as her skirt dropped to the floor, leaving her dressed in only a pink, lacey thong.

“Yeah,” Noah croaked.

She slid off her thong. “I like what I see too,” she murmured, kneeling before him. “And I’m looking forward to seeing more.”

A real man is also a gentleman…or something like that. Noah knew he should probably tell Brenda how beautiful or amazing she is, he should touch her, kiss her…something. But all he could do was sit there frozen while she unbuttoned his jeans…half paralyzed with fear and half longing to just be touched again. Noah closed his eyes as she lowered the zipper.

Oh boy…this was really happening.

He lifted his hips off the sofa, allowing Brenda to tug his jeans past his hips. Just his boxers stood between him and total nakedness. He’d never been totally nude with someone else before…well, besides gym class (but that didn’t really count). This was different…it was about want and sex. He really wanted to have sex…lose his virginity…be a man.

Noah sucked in his breath as Brenda’s hand sunk into his boxers, grasping his dick. Her hand felt so foreign wrapped around his shaft…it was small, delicate…just barely applying any pressure. Nothing like he imagined. She gave it a few strokes before tugging his boxers down to his knees. He tried to savor the feeling of a beautiful woman’s hands grazing down his thighs as she undressed him. This was going to be incredible. This is exactly what he needed.

“Oh, Noah…” she breathed, hot against his dick. “You’re so gorgeous.”

_Yeah…she wants me…See there’s nothing to worry about._

_Who said that I was worried? Hell…no…this is good…almost perfect…_

Fuck…oh…this was…different…

Brenda dragged her tongue slowly up and down his dick. Noah was torn between begging her to suck him and just grabbing his clothes and running. He felt so vulnerable as his libido came alive, which seemed to diminish his sense of control. Bad things tended to happen when he didn’t have control.

But this wasn’t bad. At least that’s what he was trying to tell himself. Getting a blow job from an attractive woman was a good thing. Being touched…especially so intimately was a really good thing. And when Brenda wrapped her lips around his cock, Noah felt himself slipping into the beauty of the hot, wetness that engulfed him.

“Ohhh…” he groaned, feeling the warmth that had been eluding him wash through his body. This was the feeling he remembered when he dared to defy his father and pleasure himself in the shower…

“I want you, Noah,” she murmured, allowing him to slip from her mouth. “Do you want me?”

_I can do this…I can do this…wait what am I thinking? I **want** to do this…yes this is what I want…to fuck…fuck…fuck…_

“Yes,” Noah gasped.

“Do you have protection?’

“Yes, of course,” Noah said, reaching down to retrieve his jeans off the floor so he could get the one of the condoms that he had stashed in his wallet. Putting a couple of condoms in his wallet ‘just in case’ had definitely been one of Noah’s better ideas. God…how he prayed he wouldn’t fuck it up. Quickly he tore it open with slightly shaky hands and tossed the wrapper toward the coffee table.

While Noah was searching for protection, Brenda had stretched out next to him on the sofa ready for him. “Did you want me to…?” she asked, sitting up ready to take the condom from him.

“No, I got it,” Noah hastily replied. A man didn’t need help putting a rubber on. Surely he could manage this simple task.

There. He did it. And he wouldn’t have any trouble _doing it_ …not with a hot, horny woman lying underneath him. No way.

Closing his eyes, Noah carefully covered her body with his. He pushed forward, expecting his dick to sink right inside of her…but it didn’t. He’d missed his target. Fuck. He tried to dismiss the feeling of panic that began to bubble to the surface. He could do this…

“Here…let me help you,” Brenda breathed, taking his cock in her hand and guiding it toward her vagina.

Once he felt a bit of her warm, moist slit engulfing his dick he dove right inside of it. Snug heat all around him…quite different from his hand. Noah began to thrust…the friction quickly bringing on that familiar sensation. See…this is what he wanted…this is what turned him on…this…oh…boy…could make him come.

And as quickly as it had all started it was over.

Oh.

Shit…he needed to get out of there…fast.

Noah untangled himself, managing to avoid eye contact with Brenda in the process. He didn’t dare look at her, afraid to see nothing but disappointment and pity in her eyes.

“I gotta go,” Noah muttered, tugging off the condom and hastily tying if off. Grabbing his pants, underwear and shoes, he headed out of the living room in search of the bathroom, not bothering to ask where it was. He could find it on his own.

After opening the door to the linen closet by mistake, Noah found it. He tossed the used condom into the trash. There. He was no longer a virgin. If he was what Trevor thought he was…well…he wouldn’t have been able to have sex with Brenda. No way. Only a real man with carnal needs would be able to fuck a woman. And that was exactly what Noah was…a man…the man his father wanted him to be.

Noah turned on the facet…the cold tap to be specific…and splashed the icy water onto his face. His reflection caught his attention…and for a moment he didn’t even recognize himself…flat eyes, tousled hair, extra pale skin, swollen lips. It certainly wasn’t the man he’d expected to see looking back at him.

_But he was a man._

Noah picked up his discarded clothing and put them on. Now he just needed to get out of there…

There was a soft knock on the door. “Noah, are you okay?” Brenda asked.

“Yeah…fine,” he replied, then opened the door to discover her concerned face. He pushed past her. “I gotta get home. I still have a ton of things to do.”

“Noah…”

But Noah didn’t look back, he just sprinted out the door. Thankfully he’d never have to see Brenda again.

Noah tried not to dwell on the fact that sex was nothing like he’d expected it to be. It was probably because he was a little nervous, which was completely normal since it had been his first time. He probably just needed more practice. The next time he did it he wouldn’t be so nervous. And it would be great too…especially since he was no longer a virgin.

Yeah…that’s it.

His father would be proud that he was now a man he kept telling himself as he drove down the freeway, heading back to Ft. Leonard Wood.

But Noah never felt more empty and alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah's dreams quickly turn into a nightmare.

These are the best years of your life. Noah was so fucking sick and tired of hearing that phrase. Whoever came up with it obviously never lived with Colonel Winston Mayer, endured all that he had to endure. But it was over.

Well… almost.

Noah had officially graduated from high school. The ceremony hadn’t been too long and drawn out. During some of the speeches, Noah ran through his mental checklist of everything he needed to take to Oakdale and then on to Northwestern. Returning to Missouri wasn’t an option for him. Once he left early tomorrow morning it would be for good.

“We did it!” Lydia exclaimed, throwing her arms around Noah once they met up with each other after the ceremony.

Noah spun her around, sharing her joy. “We sure did!”

As he put Lydia down, Noah noticed that his father was standing just outside of the football field chatting with Lydia’s mother and her father, the General whom had recently returned from Iraq. They were all smiling and laughing. Noah blew out a sigh of relief…all was well.

Less than twelve hours to go…

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the All Night Party?” Lydia asked, playfully nudging Noah with her shoulder. “It’s the last big hurrah for our class.”

“Not a chance,” Noah chuckled. But his laughter quickly died in his throat when he discovered that his father was glaring at him. Shit. _He knew._ And Noah was so dead. “I gotta go,” Noah said, giving Lydia a quick hug. God…how he was going to miss her but he didn’t have time to dwell on it at the moment. He had to get out of there…put some distance between him and his father.

“Now?”

“Yeah…sorry.”

“But, Noah…”

Noah didn’t stop. Not even when his graduation cap flew off his head in the parking lot. He couldn’t. He had to get out of there before his father exploded. Lydia and her family couldn’t see the real Winston Mayer. And worse yet, he didn’t want his one true friend to see what a pathetic mess his father thought he was. He’d managed to keep the secret for almost two years, he wasn’t about to fail now.

And Noah didn’t dare look back to see if his father was following him. He knew the Colonel wasn’t going to let this go. Lying had been a huge mistake and now he was going to have to pay the price. But most importantly he was going to have to get to WOAK by 9am the next morning.

Noah was tempted to just get in his truck and start driving there now. However, all he had were the clothes on his back…dress clothes on top of it all. All of his worldly possessions…namely his digital camcorder (his most prized possession)…were packed in his bedroom waiting for his big journey. He couldn’t leave it all behind.

Most importantly, his father would never agree to pay for Northwestern if he just took off without a word to him. Fuck…if his father knew he had lied about Lydia…which he probably did…he most likely wouldn’t be paying for Northwestern. God…did he ever fuck up…big time. He needed to fix this.

But how?

Noah’s mind raced as he hopped into his truck. Whatever he did, he couldn’t panic. He needed to be as calm and rational as possible so he could explain himself to his father. No more lying. Noah would come clean about his trip to Oakdale and somehow make him understand. He had to.

As he ran through possible scenarios through his head, it was hard not to fear the worst. His father always seemed to win. The mere thought of being trapped at Fort Leonard Wood made his blood run cold.

_Relax…relax…you can do this…_

But it was almost impossible to remain calm as he braced himself for the ultimate showdown. He felt like Luke Skywalker as he prepared to face Darth Vader in _Return of the Jedi_ , but unfortunately Noah wasn’t so certain that there was good in his father.

No…that wasn’t fair. His father wasn’t some evil tyrant. Hadn’t he taken care of him with little help after his mother had died?

Beatings…beratings…was that love?

Noah shook his head… he would not dwell on the negatives now. He still needed his father. Surviving on his own wasn’t an option for him. He just graduated from high school. There was probably enough money saved from his various jobs to get him through the summer and possibly the first month at Northwestern, but definitely not enough money to pay for Northwestern on his own. Noah had applied for scholarships but so far he hadn’t received any. His future…being able to fulfill his dream still hinged on his father.

Before Noah realized it, he was parking his truck in the driveway. Time to prepare for the battle of his life. He got out of his truck and marched toward the house, shrugging out of his gown as he approached the front door. The house was eerily quiet as he stepped through the front door.

But it wouldn’t stay that way. This definitely the calm before the storm. Noah dashed into his bedroom, tossing his graduation gown onto the bed. Then he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He would stand his ground. After all, he was a man now.

 _ **“Noah!”**_ his father’s voice thundered throughout the house loud enough that Noah swore the window panes shook.

Before his resolve could wane too much, Noah stepped out of his room silently summoning all of his inner strength. He found his father red faced and shaking in the living room. Fear seized his body, but he was determined to push through it.

“Dad…” he began, willing his voice to be strong.

“Don’t ‘Dad’ me!” his father spat at him. “No son of mine would _dare_ embarrass me in front of one of my superiors!”

“Please let me…”

His father slowly approached him, eyes narrow, fists clenched. “Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to learn that my son _did not_ take Lydia Bradford to prom? I was going on and on like a complete idiot that I thought you and Lydia made such a perfect couple when Mrs. Bradford kindly informed me that her daughter went to prom with a boy named Jason and she wasn’t dating you.”

“Please,” Noah pleaded. “If you just…”

“I will not be made a fool, Noah!” his father screamed.

His father raised his hand to strike Noah, but he quickly ducked out of the way. His heart was pounding wildly. Never in his life had he seen his father so furious. It had been years since his father raised his hand to him. Sheer hatred seemed to fill the Colonel’s eyes. But Noah couldn’t let that deter him, he had to find a way to get through to him…make him listen.

“I can explain,” Noah insisted. “Please just give me a chance!”

“Where were you prom night?” his father demanded, once again closing the space between them. His face was mere inches from Noah’s. “You were gone all night! Were you with those _theater_ people?” The word was like poison on his father’s lips. The theater was for…well… it wasn’t for men according to his father.

Noah took a breath, but didn’t back away from him. “No, I wasn’t with anyone from the theater group. I went to Illinois…”

“Why did you sneak off to Illinois? To see that Babcock boy?”

“No…I didn’t,” Noah said. “I went there because I accepted an internship at this television station in Illinois. I needed to find a place to live there for the summer but I knew you wouldn’t be happy about me accepting an unpaid internship.”

“So you went behind my back anyway?”

“Yes,” Noah said, not blinking. “And it was wrong. I should have told you…”

“But instead you dragged a respectable young lady into your web of deceit,” his father ranted. “And not just any young lady…the daughter of one of my superior officers! Are you trying to ruin my career? Did you want to make me the laughing stock of this base?”

“No,” Noah insisted, hoping that he could make his father understand that he was indeed very sorry for his actions and hadn’t meant him or his career any harm. “I would never try to ruin your career. I know how important the military is to you. I made a very big mistake. I should never have gone out of town behind your back and I should have never involved Lydia.”

“Involving Lydia was a pathetic, cowardly move,” he sneered. “A real man would _never_ try to hide behind a woman. I keep trying to figure out where I went wrong with you. How could my own flesh and blood be such a sad excuse for a man?”

“It’s my fault that I’ve disappointed you. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been such a good father to me.” Noah was desperate to show his father that he was to blame for everything. He would try any tactic to somehow still make it to Oakdale the next day.

His father shook his head. “No, I’ve failed. But I don’t think all is lost. There is still some hope for you that you can still be turned into a real man.”

“I’m accepting responsibility for my actions,” Noah tried to reason with him. “I will apologize to the General, his wife and Lydia. I’ll do anything you want so I can start my internship tomorrow.”

A low bitter laugh escaped from his father’s lips. “You have the audacity to think that I’d allow you to leave this base tomorrow? I think not.”

Noah’s heart plummeted to his feet. “But, sir, I made a commitment to the TV station. They’re expecting me!”

“You should have thought of that before you spit in the face of my authority,” his father countered. “You will stay here and learn how to be a man and repent for your indiscretion.”  
No…no…no…this couldn’t be happening. He _couldn’t_ be losing his opportunity for freedom. “Please…I beg you…”

“Stop being a driveling idiot and hand me the keys to your truck,” he commanded. “I want to be sure that you won’t be tempted to make any more unauthorized trips off base.”

Reluctantly Noah reached inside his pants pocket and turned over his precious keys to his father. Noah couldn’t look his father in the eye, because then he’d see the tears that were threatening to spill. His father often told him the story of how when Noah was two years old he’d gotten called to Korea. Before he left, he told Noah that he had to be the man of the house while he was gone and to take good care of his mother. He also told Noah that he wasn't allowed to cry while he was away because men didn't cry. Noah never cried which had made his father proud. The only time his father was ever proud of him and Noah didn’t even remember it.

Real men didn’t cry. But then again, according to his father, Noah wasn’t a real man…he was just a disappointment.

His father snatched his keys from his hand. “Now go to your room,” he said sternly. “I can’t stand the sight of you right now.”

“Yes, sir,” Noah managed before turning on his heel and marching out of the room.

The tears he’d been holding back spilled from his eyes after he shut his bedroom door behind him. Quickly he wiped them away. _Real men didn’t cry,_ he chastised himself. He needed to get a grip even though the sight of his prized possessions all packed and ready to get loaded in his truck ripped his heart out.

Noah wasn’t going anywhere.

Burying his head in his hands, Noah sunk onto his bed. Never had he felt so hopeless in his life. All of his dreams were gone. He was going to be stuck at Fort Leonard Wood forever.

And Northwestern…

His father hadn’t mentioned it…maybe there was some hope.

Hope…Noah needed to cling to it. God…he just couldn’t give up. He needed this internship. He couldn’t let Mrs. Hughes down, not when she’d been nice enough to hire him without ever meeting him. There had to be a way…something he could do or say to his father that would convince him to let him go tomorrow.

Slowly he stripped out of his dress clothes, a bit numb from the events of the past hour. Time. He needed time to figure out a plan. And maybe time was what his father needed as well.

Maybe…just maybe after his father had some time to cool off a little Noah could plead his case again. But he’d have to attack from a different angle. Noah slipped on a t-shirt and stretched out on his bed to further formulate a plan. Staring up at the ceiling, he determined that he needed to try to think like his father for a moment. If he put himself in the Colonel’s shoes he might be able to figure out what his father needed to hear to make him change his mind.

Noah thought long and hard always coming back to the same conclusion. His father wanted Noah to be a man. All Noah had to do was convince his father that going to Oakdale for the summer would help this cause. He had to show his father he could stand on his own two feet and be someone that he could be finally be proud to call his son.

This was his only hope.

****

********

Noah made sure that he was up very early in the morning…not that he gotten more than an hour or two of sleep. Most of the night was spent tossing and turning as well as trying to find the right words to say to his father. There could be no excuses because a man took responsibility for his actions. Noah was prepared to make a deal with the devil in order to get to Oakdale…out of Fort Leonard Wood, away from his father and the military way of life.

Noah took a quick shower then dressed in jeans and a plain royal blue t-shirt. He tossed a striped light blue long sleeve shirt over it because it was still rather chilly, especially since the sun wasn’t quite up yet. Taking a long look at himself in the mirror, he said a silent prayer that he could do the impossible…change his father’s mind. Noah wasn’t religious by any means. Sometimes he even questioned the fact that there was a god because if there was surely he wouldn’t have let Noah suffer for so many years… wouldn’t have taken his mother away from him when he was such a little boy, leaving practically no memory of her. But there were those rare occasions when he felt that maybe there was some grand plan for him and that all of this heartache would one day be rewarded.

Noise was coming from the kitchen which meant that his father was awake. It was now or never. Noah marched into the kitchen where his father was sitting at the table eating breakfast with the newspaper spread out next to him.

“Sir, may I speak to you?” Noah asked, gripping the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

His father didn’t bother to look up from the newspaper. “I think everything that was needed to be said has been.”

Noah expected this initial reaction so he wasn’t going to panic…yet. “Sir, I know that you’re really disappointed in me right now…”

The Colonel’s head snapped up. “Disappointed? That’s an understatement. I expected so much more from you, Noah. But that’s going to change…”

“I know how it can,” Noah said, seizing his opportunity.

“This should be good,” his father said, folding his arms across his chest, sarcasm oozing from his lips.

Noah pulled out the chair he’d been standing behind and sat down. “I know I haven’t done a very good job of showing it lately, but I am grateful for everything that you’ve done for me. Being a single father in the military and raising me hasn’t been easy for you, but you did it…you got me through high school. And now it’s time to repay you. I want to prove to you that I am a man. I think the best way to do that would be to go to Illinois for the summer to do my internship,” he carefully explained.

“And how could that possibly be a good way to show me that you’re a man?” his father quickly countered. “You took this position behind my back, lying as a result of it…embarrassing me in front of the Bradfords. I don’t see how any good can come from this…much less turning you into a man.”

“I would be on my own, sir, working hard,” Noah said, digging in for his counter attack.

“Are they paying you for this _internship_?” his father asked, the loathing still not gone from his voice.

“No, but I would be providing for myself with the money I’ve saved since I started working. You always told me that a man knows how to put in a good days work.”

“But he usually gets paid.”

“Hard work is honest work which makes a man,” Noah countered.

“So you think you know what it takes to be a man now?” his father scoffed. “You certainly haven’t shown it to me since you were two years old.”

“You always said a man sticks up for what he believes in and that’s what I’m doing.”

“Don’t throw my own words back at me, Noah!”

Noah dismissed the panic which was beginning to twist his stomach into knots. He would not back down from this fight. Not this time. “I believe in going to Oakdale and working hard all summer. I believe in proving myself to you. I can do this. I can make it on my own in Oakdale,” he insisted.

“I don’t think you can last on your own, boy.”

“Then give me the chance to prove you wrong. Let me be on my own. Please give me the opportunity to show you that I can be a man you’d be proud of. I want you to be proud of me, Dad,” Noah said, leaning across the table. He was desperate to get his point across to his father. “I already quit my job at the theater. I need to do this. Please allow me to do what I believe in.”

His father seemed to perk up a bit. “You quit the theater?”

Yes…there…just for a second…there was a glimmer of hope. Noah seized it…take no prisoners. “Yes, I did. My last day was Saturday. I don’t have any plans to go back there. It’s in my past. I want to focus on my future now.”

“And doing this internship is going to get you back on track?”

“Yes…I’ll be on my own. I won’t ask you for a thing all summer. This will be good for me. I promise.”

His father sat there, staring at him for what seemed like forever. Noah could tell he was being sized up so he sat up straight in his chair, showing him that he was strong. “I’m not happy about this, Noah,” his father finally said. “I don’t take kindly to being blindsided.”

“I know, sir.”

“You say you’re supposed to start this internship today.”

“Yes.”

“Well…a Mayer has always been good to his word,” his father reluctantly admitted. “I don’t want that to change.” He sighed heavily. “It’s with great reservation that I’m doing this, but you can go.”

At first Noah was stunned. By some miracle he’d gotten his father to agree to let him go to Oakdale. “Thank you, sir,” he quickly said.

His father rose to his feet and hand Noah the keys he'd confiscated from him the night before. “You just better not disappoint me,” he warned.

“I won’t. You have my word,” Noah said as he pushed his chair back and stood up, eager to get his belongs into his truck and get on his way. “I should leave as soon as possible, sir.”  
His father nodded and marched over to him, giving a firm pat on the back. “I need to get to work. Drive safely.”

“I will,” Noah promised.

His father hesitated when he reached the door and turned to Noah. “You might want to clean up a bit. You look like a slob,” he said, before disappearing out the door.

And that was it…no hug or any emotion. Noah shouldn’t have been surprised but he always held out hope that one day his father would hug him. Pushing his disappointment aside, Noah went to his bedroom to get his belongings. There was no time to change his clothes. And from what Mrs. Hughes told him the dress code was casual so he’d be fine.

Noah pulled out the information he’d jotted down from the last e-mail Mrs. Hughes had sent him. He was supposed to report to Luke Snyder today at 9am. There was no way that he was going to be on time. Damn it. He was going to be very late. The drive to Oakdale was about five hours. Hopefully, he’d be there by lunch if all went well. Not being on time for his first day of work wasn’t the way to make a good impression. Noah knew he’d have to work very hard to prove that it wasn’t a mistake to have hired him.

Pulling out his cell phone, he dialed information and got the number for WOAK and was connected to the main switchboard. Going through the dial by name directory he discovered that there wasn’t a listing for a Luke Snyder. Noah decided that Mrs. Hughes was his best option.

Noah was connected to Mrs. Hughes’ voice mail. “Hi, Mrs. Hughes, it’s Noah Mayer. I know I was supposed to report to Luke Snyder this morning but I couldn’t find a phone number for him. I wanted to let you know that I had to deal with a family emergency this morning so I’m going to be late. I’m so sorry but this couldn’t be avoided. I hope to be there by noon. I’m really sorry. Thanks.” He shut off his cell phone and pocketed it. Noah didn’t want to run the risk of his father changing his mind and trying to call him.

Now it was time to get this show on the road. Noah grabbed the first box off his desk which contained part of his DVD collection. He’d packed everything that he held dear to him because he never wanted to come back to this house. There were so few good memories here.

After Noah stashed his duffel bag in his truck, he returned to his room to do a quick once over to make sure that he didn’t leave anything behind. His bedroom looked as if no one had ever lived in it…bare walls, desk and dresser cleared of any personal items, and the bed perfectly made. As he scanned the room he didn’t feel any emotion attached to it. The room was never his safe haven, never a happy place, it just was a place to sleep and plot his escape.

Noah turned and headed down the hall toward the front door, a smile creeping to his lips. He survived. Finally he was leaving. For good.

Freedom awaited.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah arrives at WOAK and meets Maddie and Luke.

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__

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June 1, 2007

 

Noah was so, so late thanks to an accident and construction on I-55, but at least he was out of Missouri and finally crossing into Oakdale’s city limits. His new home…well, at least for the summer. This was Noah’s big chance to start all over. Here in Oakdale he could reinvent himself. No one here would know Colonel Winston Mayer and the legacy his name held. No one would have to know that he grew up scared, confused, and unloved. The certifiable mess that was Noah Mayer would be left behind at Fort Leonard Wood. Now Noah could be whoever he wanted to be…become a totally different person. This internship could be like his very own movie where he was the confident, witty, male lead.

Which movie persona did he want to take on?

There was the dashing, rugged Clark Gable or the humble, do-gooder Jimmy Stewart. But Noah always liked the suave Cary Grant. He was so confident, smooth, and handsome. Yeah…that’s who Noah wanted to be.

Scratch that…it’s who he was now.

Noah parked his truck in the parking lot of WOAK. Finally he was here. He wasn’t going to let the fact that he was now four hours late for his first day dampen his spirits. No…nothing was going to get to the new Noah Mayer.

There was a smile on his face as he entered the TV station. Just being in the building made his creative juices start to flow. He was in his element…total nirvana. “Hi, I’m Noah Mayer. I’m starting my internship today,” he proudly told the receptionist. “I was supposed to report to Luke Snyder.”

“Luke is one of the interns here,” she replied, picking up the phone. “Let me try buzzing back to the studio office to see if he’s there.” She put the phone to her ear but after a few moments she hung it up. “No one is answering back there right now. It’s hard to get a hold of the interns because they’re always in and out of the office. Unfortunately I can’t leave the desk but I can tell you how to get to the office. Just head through the double doors, take a quick right then go down the hall and go through the third door on the left. You’ll see the studio for _Oakdale Now_. The office is just beyond it. Hopefully someone will be in it by the time you get back there. If not, just wait.”

“Maybe I should check in with Mrs. Hughes.”

“Kim has been in and out of meetings all day,” she replied. “Your best bet is just waiting in the office. Don’t worry…you’ll find Luke.”

Noah nodded, pretty sure that he’d be able to find his way. “Thanks for your help!”

Noah followed the receptionist’s directions and, sure enough, there was the _Oakdale Now_ set, which resembled a homey kitchen. Wow…he was in a real television studio, passing by a real set for a television show. Excitement coursed through his veins. He’d be spending all summer here! Noah couldn’t wait to get started.

There were a couple of people milling about but Noah decided to just head right to the office as instructed. Relief washed through him when he spotted a dark hair young lady standing in the office at the back of the studio stapling some papers which were spread out on a desk. Hopefully she’d be able to direct him to the elusive Luke Snyder. The door was open but Noah still stopped and knocked, not wanting to startle the girl.

“Hey, can you tell me where I can find Luke Snyder, I…” Noah began but stopped mid-sentence when the young woman turned to face him. _No way_. It was the girl from his cell phone video. “ _You_.”

“Me?” she giggled nervously.

“Nice to meet you in person.”

“Do I know you?”

Noah could just explain the cell phone message but that was too boring. He wasn’t going to be dull or predictable anymore. Cary Grant was neither of those things. “You sure acted like you did. I mean…it was a real warm welcome. But considering we've never met don't you think you were moving a little too fast?” he said suggestively.

“Who are you? And what are you talking about?” she asked a bit uneasily.

Noah pulled out his cell phone and turned it on. “Just give me one second and all will be clear,” he said as he found the video message and pressed play. He held up his phone so she could see it.

_“Hi… I don't know if you're ever going to get this, but I wanted you to know that being with you would've made this night everything that it should've been. I think about you holding me, and not to sound sappy, but I keep counting down the days until we can be together.”_

“Okay, how did you get that?” she asked, snatching the phone away from him and shutting it off.

“Someone sent it to me.”

“Oh my…I must have hit the wrong button,” she replied, obviously mortified by her error. “I was supposed to send it to my boyfriend.”

“And not a perfect stranger?” Noah teased. “Well, that's good to know because, to be honest, I thought it was a little bit forward, you know? I mean…real friendly, but forward.” He couldn’t resist…this seemed like something a suave, leading man would do, which fit perfectly into his new persona.

“You're really enjoying this, aren't you?”

Noah grinned. “A little bit. By the way, I'm Noah,” he said sticking out his hand.

“And I'm embarrassed. Maddie,” she said, laughing nervously as she shook his hand. “You…uh…you the new intern?”

Noah felt a bit guilty for giving her such a hard time. She seemed like a sweet girl. “Yeah, and I'm off to a great start. I'm really sorry about being late. Getting out of Missouri was more complicated than I thought. Necessary, but complicated,” he explained. Hopefully she wouldn’t press the issue because he didn’t want to start off by lying to her and he hadn’t quite planned which aspects of his past he was going to share with new friends.

Friends. Now that was an interesting concept. Noah was determined he was going to make friends while he was here and at Northwestern as well. Maddie seemed like the perfect person to start with too.

“Hey, don't worry about it,” she assured him. “If you just forget about this whole thing, I'll forgive you.”

Sounded like the perfect plan to him. “Done.”

“Okay, good.”

“You work here, too?”

“Yeah, I do. That's how I had your number. God, I hate modern technology,” she said, fidgeting nervously.

“Me too,” Noah readily agreed. “I mean…think about it…if Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullavan had cell phones they'd…” Oh boy…he’d slipped into geek mode…so not leading man material. He cringed slightly. “Sorry. Sometimes I forget I'm this complete geek.”

“No. If they had cell phones, there would be no _Shop Around the Corner_ ," Maddie agreed with him much to Noah’s surprise.

“You… you know what I'm talking about?’ he asked, completely flabbergasted. No one ever got his obscure movie references. But here in this small town in Illinois he’d found someone who did. And not just anyone. A pretty girl who was going to be his co-worker. This had to be a good sign that he belonged here.

“Mmmhmm. I do,” she admitted, giggling. “I'm actually a geek myself. I know Sullavan is S-u-l-l…”

“a-v-a-n.” Noah finished with her, grinning like he hadn’t in ages.

They stood there for a moment, smiling at each other, film geek to film geek.

“This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Maddie said.

Noah nodded, silently agreeing with her.

“Well…I really need to get this collated,” she said, gesturing toward the stacks of paper that were laid out on the desk. “Luke will throw a fit if he comes back and I haven’t made any progress.”

“We can’t have that,” Noah quickly decided. “Just show me the order everything goes in and I’ll help you.”

Maddie showed him the starting point and Noah followed her lead. As they collated the paperwork they discussed classic films, which made Noah positively giddy. He could go on endlessly about movies and finally he found someone who could appreciate it. Maddie was great. He felt this instant connection to her…like she was the sister he never had…just like Lydia.

His stomach got all knotted up at the thought of the friend he’d left behind without a proper goodbye. He’d have to call Lydia after he settled into his flat at Mrs. Betcher’s house. Lydia had said that he might find a girl who could appreciate his love of him and he had. She’d really get a kick out of it.

But Maddie already had a boyfriend…one she loved quite dearly if the video was any indication. And Noah didn’t feel that romantic spark with Maddie, no matter how cute she was or how much she loved old movies. There was a comfort with her…like his favorite pair of sneakers. Okay…Maddie probably wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a pair of shoes even if it was intended in a nice, friendly way.

Was there something wrong with him because he didn’t want to push her onto the desk and fuck her? Why hadn’t he had those feelings with anyone?

He did with…

Well…he fucked Brenda because he thought she was hot.

 _“Was that really why?”_ an inner voice nagged.

_Stop it…I’m not going there. I’m making a fresh start._

“I don’t know why Hollywood insists on doing remakes,” Maddie declared.

Noah had never been more thankful for the distraction. “I know…it’s practically criminal. I mean…how can you even touch a classic like _Psycho_? Hitchcock shouldn’t be messed with.”

“Exactly! And the two remakes of _King Kong_? No one holds a candle to Faye Ray,” Maddie said, slowly walking along the desk and picking up a piece of paper from each stack.

Noah groaned, “The latest one was such a mess. The director couldn’t figure out if he was doing _King Kong_ or _Jurassic Park_!”

She laughed as she deposited her stack of papers on the chair in the far corner of the office that held all of their completed work. “I suppose there are some that aren’t completely awful.”

“Name one,” Noah challenged.

Maddie thought for a moment as she sauntered over to him. “So…uh… _Heaven Can Wait_ …that's like…okay…fine.”

“Yeah,” Noah agreed, “but it’s no _Here Comes Mr. Jordan_.”

Maddie started her next round. “Well, how could it be?”

He stopped his collating and looked at her. “Claude Rains.”

“Oh!” Maddie exclaimed. “Claude Rains. He is the best. Like…absolute best. Love him!”

“What can't he do?”

“ _Casablanca_.”

Noah quickly jumped in, totally in his element. “ _Notorious_ , _Mr. Smith Goes to Washington_.”

“ _Lawrence of Arabia_ , _Now, Voyager_ ,” Maddie quickly added to his list.

“ _Casablanca_ ,” Noah repeated unable to think of another Claude Rains film off the top of his head.

“I said it,” she quickly reminded him.

Noah definitely wasn’t dealing with a novice. “It has to be said twice,” he said, defending himself.

“I’m shocked, shocked to find there's gambling going on here!” Maddie quoted from the film.

“Round up the usual suspects,” Noah jumped in. Never in his life did he think that something as mundane as collating could be so much fun.

Maddie stood back from him a moment, regarding him. “Okay, who are you and where do you come from? Were we like separated at birth?” she teased.

Noah grinned, comforted by the fact that he wasn’t the only one feeling the quick special bond they had formed. “Do you know how weird it is to meet someone who actually knows what I'm talking about?”

“Were your parents total movie buffs?”

Parents.

Noah shifted uncomfortably. Oh how he wished he’d lived that idyllic life where he grew up with two loving parents that shared his interests, boisterous family dinners, and lots of relatives…everything he’d seen in the movies or even on TV.

“Not so much,” he confessed. “I'm an army brat and we moved around a lot. So, for me, movies were always kind of like…”

“Friends who you could take with you,” Maddie completed his sentence as she stapled a packet of paper together.

Wow. Noah was a bit stunned. He never had anyone finish one of his sentences before. This was kismet. “Yeah.” Noah nodded.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Well, I just hope that Oakdale isn't going to be too boring for you.”

He wasn’t worried about that at all. Maddie might think her hometown was boring but Noah didn’t see it that way. Right now Oakdale was his Hollywood or New York City. “Boring? I just came from Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. I'm taking my first steps toward my brilliant career. I mean… how could I be bored?”

“Well, you are going to be a professional collator.”

Noah shrugged. “Well, I'm probably not going to be what I want to be, but I'm going to try.” Damn…there was that uncertainty again. He really needed to stop it. Confidence…such a foreign word to him. Somehow he needed to find it, though. A successful leading man wasn’t full of self doubt.

“What do you want to be?”

He hesitated for a moment, debating on whether or not he should tell her. His career choice often garnered sarcastic remarks from people and he didn’t want to start out in Oakdale with another one. But then again Maddie wasn’t like everyone else. His gut said he could trust her. So he did. “Director. Don't laugh, okay?” he said.

Maddie held up her hands in mock surrender. “Hey, I happen to know on the best of the authority that Ernst Lubitsch and Victor Fleming were collators themselves,” she informed him.

Noah knew there was a reason why he liked her. “Really?” Noah chuckled.

“Yes,” Maddie assured him.

Noah’s attention was quickly drawn to the blond hair guy who came into the room with his arms full of scripts. His breath caught in his throat as a white hot heat crackled through his body. The temperature in the room seemed to suddenly soar to a hundred degrees. Noah had never seen anyone more beautiful…big brown eyes, pink pouty lips, and a taut, lean body…

_No…no…no…_

“What kind of idiot turns off his cell phone on the first day of work?” the blond grumbled.

Shit. He was referring to him.

“This kind of idiot,” Noah sheepishly admitted. “Hi, Noah Mayer.” He extended his hand toward the guy.

But instead of shaking it the guy shoved the stack of scripts into his arms. “Those scripts were supposed to be done three hours ago. And those are just an hour and a half late,” he testily informed Noah.

This day was quickly turning into a nightmare. Noah stared down at the large stack of scripts he held. For the first time all day he was at a total loss. This guy came into the room and managed to quickly turn Noah into a mess. “At the risk of giving you way too much of a set up, what am I supposed to do with these?” he asked.

“File them,” he replied sarcastically.

Maddie turned to the blond. “Luke. Luke, they're going to be done and it'll be done in plenty of time,” she said, stepping into the peace keeper role. “I'm going to give Noah a tour of the studio.”

So this was Luke Snyder? Great. The guy he was supposed to report to thought he was a complete idiot.

“Why? We're already running late,” he asked irritably.

This obviously didn’t sit well with Luke. So much for scoring points on his first day. Noah wished he could just disappear. He decided to busy himself with the collating while Maddie dealt with their pissed off co-worker.

“Why? Because one…Kim told me to. And two…I need to get him in private so I can explain to him that you are not as big of a jerk as you are acting right now,” Maddie countered.

Noah couldn’t help but snicker a little at her last comment. The girl had spunk. She was a regular Mary Tyler Moore.

“We’ll start with the editing room,” Maddie decided.

Noah cast a quick glance at Luke as he followed Maddie out of the office. Luke’s mood seemed to be softening a bit. Hopefully by the next time Noah saw him they’d be able to get off to a better start.

“Luke really is a nice guy,” Maddie said once they were a safe distance from the office. “He just takes this internship very seriously.”

“As he should,” Noah said, falling into step next to her. “I intend to take it seriously as well. I just feel bad for making such an awful first impression.”

“Don’t worry,” she assured him. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t hold a grudge.”

“Have you worked with him long?”

“A few weeks but we went to high school together,” Maddie explained. “Actually, Luke is one of my best friends.”

For some reason that statement made Noah feel a lot better, but he couldn’t quite figure out why. “Well…thanks for running interference back there.”

“Anytime,” she said, smiling up at him. “Luke is a sweetheart. You just caught him at a bad time.”

“It didn’t help that I was four hours late for my first day,” Noah sighed.

“Don’t worry. I can vouch that you are already an expert collator,” she teased.

“I’ll be counting on it,” he chuckled as Maddie escorted him into the editing room.

And Luke Snyder could count on him doing a great job.

****

********

WOAK was truly an amazing place. Maddie introduced him to several staff members during their tour. All of them gave him a warm welcome. Well…all except Luke, but Noah tried not to dwell on that fact. Instead he focused on the tour Maddie was giving him. The editing room was state of the art. Noah’s mouth watered over the prospect of being able to use it to edit one of his own projects. She also showed him the archives where the tapes and scripts were stored, the news room, and the lunch area. But Noah’s favorite part (besides the editing room) was the different studios. There were two of them…one for _Oakdale Now_ , which was basically their home base, and the other was used for the local news. Maddie showed him the control room they used for _Oakdale Now_ , letting him sit in the director’s seat. As Noah ran his hand along the console he wondered if he’d ever be able to sit there and direct a show.

_Wait a second…you’re only here for the summer. Surely they’re not going to turn over the helm of such an important show to an intern._

That was right. He’d most likely be collating, filing, and getting coffee all summer. But even if he did, being here was still a dream come true.

“And that’s WOAK,” Maddie said, leading him back to their office. “What do you think?”

“It’s great,” Noah gushed. “I can’t wait to get down to business.”

“Luke will definitely see to it,” she chuckled. “I’m sure he’s been making a nice long list of things to keep you busy.”

“I’m ready.”

“Glad to hear it. I think we’re all going to have a lot of fun this summer,” Maddie said, leaning against the desk.

“Thanks for showing me around.”

“Sure. I just…uh…one condition. You have to forget…what we…you know… were going to forget about,” she reminded him, still a bit embarrassed over the whole cell phone video incident.

“I'm not sure I can completely forget,” Noah said, toying with her. “I mean…you were pretty arresting on that clip. Like, at first, I even wondered if it was one of those online drama series.”

“Um. Thanks?” she nervously laughed.

Noah knew he should probably let the topic drop but he couldn’t quite just yet. Maddie really poured her heart out on that message. The recipient had to be someone very special. “But since it seems like it was real life, let me ask you this…who was supposed to get it? I mean who is the lucky guy?” he asked.

Maddie shifted uneasily. “I told you, it was for my boyfriend,” she said, ducking her head.

“Yeah, but where is he that you have to send him clips?” Noah pressed.

“Okay, so are we all done with our tour?” Luke asked, sidling up next to him. “Do you think maybe we could actually get some work done?”

Luke was so close. Noah inhaled his spicy cologne, which smelled nice.

_No…_

Noah nodded. “Sure.”

“Okay, then I am going to show you the joys of filing,” Luke said, smacking a stack of files into Noah’s chest. “That way.” He jerked his thumb toward the open door.

Noah took the files and headed into the studio to wait for Luke. This was his chance to show Luke that he was eager to learn. Luke’s mood seemed to have lightened, but a few good words from Maddie probably wouldn’t hurt his situation. However, Noah didn’t know what they were talking about in the office because he made sure that he was out of earshot.

“Hey,” Luke said, strolling out of the office, “are you ready to file?”

“Born ready,” Noah eagerly replied.

Luke raised his eyebrows. “A natural born filer? How did we ever get so lucky?”

He wasn’t quite sure how to take Luke’s remark. Was he teasing or was he still pissed? “I’m really sorry about being so late today,” he quickly explained. “There was a family emergency that delayed my departure from Missouri. I left a message on Mrs. Hughes’ voice mail explaining everything.”

Luke folded his arms across his chest. “Well…we never got it.”

“The receptionist said that she was in and out of meetings all day.”

Luke’s face seemed to soften. “Kim probably just forgot to give us the message since she was so busy. Is everything all right with your family?”

“Yeah…it is now. Thanks for asking.”

“I know all about family crises,” Luke chuckled. “I come from a big family and it seems like there’s always something going on.”

Although Noah would love to hear about Luke’s big family, he wasn’t ready to field any questions about his family (or lack of). Before Luke could ask him about it, Noah decided to quickly change the subject. “So where do we need to file these?” Noah asked, holding up the folders Luke had given him.

“Right this way,” Luke said, leading him into the archive room that Maddie had shown Noah earlier. “Okay…all of the file cabinets are color coded to reflect a particular program. Green is _Oakdale Now_ , red is the news, blue is for _Public Affairs with Kim Hughes_ , and yellow is for any special programming. The files you’re holding are also color coded so all you need to do is file them alphabetically in the proper cabinet. Got it?”

Noah nodded. “Got it.”

“So do you think you can handle this?” Luke asked, planting his hands on his hips.

“I know my colors and my alphabet so I shouldn’t have any problems,” Noah said, hoping that a little humor might break the ice between them.

Luke half snickered. “Great…then you should be fine on your own. Just come back to the office when you’re finished.” He turned on his heel and sauntered out of the room not bothering to wait for a response from Noah.

Damn. Luke still seemed a little angry, which made Noah feel awful. His first day was supposed to be perfect. But Noah had found a way to ruin it. Nothing ever seemed to work out for him.

 _Stop it! Cary Grant would never get down on himself,_ he silently chastised himself. _Get your shit together and get this filing done so you can show Luke that you’re not a complete idiot._

About a half hour later Noah returned to the office, hoping to impress Luke with his speedy filing skills. However, Luke was nowhere to be seen. Noah frowned. How could he amaze Luke if he wasn’t around?

Maddie looked up from her laptop and smiled at him. “So how was the wonderful world of filing?” she asked.

“Just wonderful,” he sighed, pulling up a chair next to her.

She studied him for a moment then frowned slightly. “Hmmm…it seems to me that it was less than  
wonderful.”

Noah quickly forced a smile as he silently cursed himself for being so transparent. He’d have to work on that. “It wasn’t bad…really. Is Luke around? I was wanted to let him know that I’ve finished.”

“He’s in the newsroom. I think they have him typing up the newscast for the teleprompter.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t tell me that he’s still being a jerk toward you?”

“No,” Noah quickly replied, not wanting Luke to get into trouble with Maddie, “he’s been great.”

Maddie nodded wearily, not entirely buying his fast response. “Good. I didn’t think Luke would stay pissy for too long.”

“Knock…knock,” an older lady said, breezing into the office.

“Hi, Kim,” Maddie greeted her.

Kim. Mrs. Hughes. Noah jumped up. “Hi, I’m Noah,” he said, thrusting his hand out toward her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hughes. I apologize for being so late today. I promise it will…”

“Relax, Noah,” she said, gently placing her hand on his arm. “Family emergencies happen all the time. Here at WOAK we highly value family. When you told me that you were graduating the day before you were supposed to start I should have moved your first day to the fourth.”

Noah was completely flabbergasted as he wasn’t accustomed to an adult admitting any wrong doing. His father was always right. And arguing with him was always an impossible, if not a stupid, task.

“I want to thank you again for hiring me. I promise I’ll be on time the rest of the summer,” he assured her.

“I’m not worried, Noah,” she replied, smiling warmly at him. “I just wanted to drop by to personally welcome you to the WOAK family.”

Family. Noah’s heart fluttered at the mere suggestions of belonging to a family. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Where are you going to be living while you’re in Oakdale?” Kim asked.

“I rented a small, upper flat over on Timberline Avenue.”

“That’s a nice, old neighborhood…and it’s so close to Old Town. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it,” Kim said. She glanced at her watch. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off so you can go get moved in?”

Leave early? Luke was mad enough at him as it was. How would he react when he discovered that Noah left early? Well…there was no way he intended to find out.

“That’s a kind offer, but I don’t think I can take you up on that, ma’am. I was already so late today so I couldn’t possibly leave early,” Noah said.

“Please…call me Kim. And I insist. You’ve had long day. Get settled into your new home and have a nice, relaxing weekend so you can start out fresh on Monday.”

Noah knew from Kim’s gentle, yet firm tone that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  
“Okay, ma’am. I really appreciate it.”

“Kim,” she gently reminded him as she strolled toward the door. “We’re pretty informal here at WOAK. See you Monday.”

“You’re going to make the rest of us look bad with all of those ‘ma’am’s’ you keep throwing around,” Maddie teased after Kim had left the office.

“I’m sorry,” Noah sheepishly replied. “My father always insisted that I refer to everyone as ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’.”

“Well…you’re out and on your own now so you can do whatever you’d like.”

“Yes, I can,” Noah wistfully replied. He could finally be his own man now.

“Did you have any plans for the weekend?”

“No.”

“Why don’t I talk to Luke and the three of us can meet for lunch tomorrow at Al’s…it’s this diner in Old Town. They have the best burgers in the state.”

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to entertain me since I’m the new guy in town,” Noah said, shifting uncomfortably. He didn’t want Maddie and Luke to give up part of their weekend to amuse him. And Luke probably wouldn’t be too thrilled with the prospect.

“This isn’t out of obligation,” she assured him. “I think it would be fun to hang out outside of work and get to know you better.”

“But Luke…”

“Luke too. He can’t say no to one of Al’s burgers. And you’ll see that he’s not the jerk he came off as this afternoon.”

“Okay,” Noah agreed. The prospect of making some real friends was too great to turn down.

“I’ll give you a call tomorrow,” she said, “since I obviously have your phone number.”

Noah chuckled. “You sure do. And don’t worry I’ll delete the video,” he assured her.

Maddie grinned broadly. “Thank you! I really appreciate it! Now get out of here!”

Noah gave her a mock salute before heading out the door.

****

********

Noah parked his truck in front of what was going to be his new home for the summer. He decided to leave the boxes inside the truck while he went to get his key from Mrs. Betcher. Hopefully she was still expecting him. In all of the chaos he hadn’t had time to call and check in with her.

He knocked on the front door, shifting his weight from foot to foot while he waited for Mrs. Betcher to answer the door. After a few moments the door opened, revealing his elderly landlord.

“Noah, I’ve been expecting you!” she exclaimed, ushering him inside. “I have a meat loaf in the oven which will be ready in ten minutes. There’s plenty so you can join me for dinner.”

Saying no definitely wasn’t an option. Plus, Noah was starving and Mrs. Betcher was a sweet lady who was probably a bit lonely. “I’d love to join you. It smells great,” he said, following Mrs. Betcher into the kitchen. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Just relax and keep me company,” she instructed as she shuffled over to the stove. “There are a few cans of root beer in the refrigerator if you’d like one.”

“Thanks,” Noah said, heading over to the refrigerator. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’ll take one too.” She got two glasses out of the cupboard and placed them on the table.

Noah poured the soda while Mrs. Betcher tended to their dinner. He finally convinced her to let him help set the table and put out the food. By the time they sat down to eat, Noah was positively ravenous. The last time he’d eaten was before his graduation ceremony the day before.

Wow…had it only been yesterday? Graduation, the fight with his father seemed like it happened a lifetime ago.

“Did you start your internship today?” Mrs. Betcher asked as she filled her salad bowl.  
Noah was impressed she remembered his purpose for being in Oakdale. “Yes, I did. WOAK is great. I have a feeling that I’ll be enjoying it.”

“Did you meet Brad and Katie?” she excitedly asked, leaning closer to him as if she were sharing a special secret with him.

“No, not yet,” he admitted much to her disappointment. “I was only there for the afternoon so they probably had left already. I’m sure I’ll meet them Monday, though.” Noah made a mental note to try to get autographed pictures for Mrs. Betcher.

“Brad and Katie are the greatest. Much better than Regis and Kelly.”

“I’ll be sure to let them know that you’re a big fan.”

“Edna Betcher. And I never miss a show!”

At that moment Noah decided to move heaven and Earth to get her autographs.

Dinner was delicious. Noah had two large helpings which thrilled Mrs. Betcher to pieces. Over dinner she talked about her grandchildren who lived out of state so she only saw them at Christmas. Noah’s heart went out to her. She was probably a lonely lady. He decided that he’d make an effort to visit her a few times a week to chat.

After they were finished eating, Noah insisted on doing the dishes for her while she brewed some coffee to go with the chocolate chip cookies they’d be having for dessert. The cookies were just as scrumptious as the dinner. And Mrs. Betcher kept the stories coming as well as the coffee. She told him how her husband had died ten years ago. They’d been married for 52 years and he’d been the love of her life. Noah couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever find that kind of love.

About an hour or so later, Noah got the key to his flat. Before he got his stuff out of his truck, Noah decided to unlock his new place. He skipped up the steps two at a time, eager to see the flat again. His first place of his own. The aroma of mothballs was still prevalent. Noah turned on a light and immediately headed over to the open the windows so he could get some fresh air inside. He’d have to buy some candles to help take the awful scent away. As a matter of fact, he’d have to buy a lot of things tomorrow after he had lunch with Maddie and Luke.

Noah quickly dismissed the knot that formed in his stomach when he thought of his co-worker. Luke surely wouldn’t hold a grudge…that’s if he even showed tomorrow.

“Stop it,” Noah muttered. “This is crazy.”

He decided that he better unpack his truck because the sooner he did it, the faster he’d be able to relax.

Only three trips were needed to move all of Noah’s worldly possessions into the flat. As he locked the door behind him, Noah felt calm and relaxed for possibly the first time in his life. Noah peeled off his shirts, followed by his jeans and socks which left him wearing just his navy blue boxer briefs. The Colonel never allowed him to walk around in just his underwear. But his father’s rules no longer mattered.

Noah was free!

Grinning, he spotted an old transistor radio sitting on the kitchen counter. He turned it on, surfing the dial until he found music. The Rolling Stones’ _Gimme Shelter_ to be exact. While it was no _Old Time Rock and Roll_ , Noah still felt a bit like Tom Cruise in _Risky Business_ as he began to dance around his apartment, celebrating his newfound freedom.

Noah had dissolved into a fit of giggles by the time the song ended. Acting a bit crazy felt really, really good. He collapsed onto the old sofa, his sides aching from laughter.  
Wow…what a day.

Even though it had started out rocky it had ended quite nice. WOAK was really better than he’d imagined it. Mrs. Hughes…Kim…he’d have to get used to calling her that…was so kind and understanding. Maddie…she was such a sweetie…and a film buff. He couldn’t have met a more perfect person to become his first friend. And Luke…

_Luke._

Noah couldn’t pinpoint why he desperately wanted Luke Snyder to like him. But he did. Very much so.


End file.
